One Week Old



Has it been a week already? Has it only been a week? I count my days by nights now, which seems appropriate considering a certain someone decided to arrive in the middle of the night.

Lady Jr is doing well. She lost about 1/2 pound in the first four days, or 7% of her body weight, which is just about as expected. Still, it’s hard hearing that your baby has lost weight. We have a follow up appointment on Friday to see if she’s gaining like she should. She’s definitely eating like she should, so I’m not too worried.

She is a long, small baby with ten little toes and ten little fingers. She smells like milk and diaper wipes. Her startle reflex is both cute and oddly heart-breaking.

So far (KNOCK ON WOOD), she seems easy going. Once she’s asleep, she’ll sleep through anything. I vacuumed this morning and it knocked her right out. I love it, because we can be as loud as we want around her. At least during the day – we’re trying to keep nighttime as chill and quiet as possible, because she doesn’t quite understand night vs day.

She likes to clusterfeed and fuss in the middle of the night, so I’ve spent quite a few nights holding her and rocking her and feeding her and listening to her grunts and whistles and gurgles while she sleeps on my chest – the only place she’ll sleep when she’s worked up like that. The last few nights were the first few I actually treasured and now I weirdly look forward to being awake at 2am, watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on Netflix and listening to Lady Jr breathe.

The toughest part seems past us (again: KNOCK ON WOOD). Lady and I have figured out a sleep schedule for ourselves that gives us enough to function. My anxiety got pretty bad in those first few days to the point where I was shaking with exhaustion but couldn’t sleep, because I knew I’d have to get up very soon and feed the baby again. Lady solved this by buying formula so that she can feed the baby at least once and let me get a full REM cycle of sleep. Holy shit guys – that makes a BIG difference. My anxiety dropped immediately and now I feel like I can function again. I’m still getting maybe 5 or 6 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, but I’ve always functioned best at 7.5, so that’s not a big drop for me.

Lady’s having a harder time… she needs about 9 hours of solid sleep to function and the most I can usually give her is 6. So she naps in the afternoons, which is working well.

Sleep (mostly) sorted, the hardest thing right now is that we just don’t see each other as much and we’ve been home almost constantly since coming home from the hospital. This is slowly changing as Lady Jr sleeps longer stretches in her crib (instead of on someone) and as I’m able to, you know, actually walk and stand without being instantly worn out. I barely managed a walk around the block last week, but today we went three blocks and I felt pretty okay. Postpartum recovery is no joke, guys.

Our current challenge is figuring out how to get Lady Jr to sleep in her crib like she will in our arms or in the bouncer. She hates being in that empty space without any movement, but idk how to fix that. I’ve started sleeping with a hand on her chest (the crib is side-car, so we’re co-sleeping but not bedsharing) and that gets us another half hour, easy, but if anyone has any tips or tricks or sage advice, I will gladly listen.

Once we can figure that out, we won’t have to divvy up the night into shifts, which will mean more sleep for everybody. Hopefully. Right?


One more pic for good luck:



Filed under gaybies, Lady Jr

Ending Stats

Player One
Player Two
Level 30 Human Bard/Fighter
Height: 5’9″
Weight: 164 196
Shoe Size: 10 11
Bra Size: 34A  38C

Str: 18 14
Dex: 12 10
Con: 19 14
Int: 12
Wis: 14 12
Cha: 18 16

Highest skills: Bluff, Gather Rumors, Knowledge (Folklore) (History), Athletics, Pregnant Maneuvering

Feats: Natural Immunity, Iron WillRun, Nap, Greater Braxton Hicks, Labor

Diseases/Curses: Heavy Things Gettin’ Heavy (-2 Str), Greater Anxiety (-2 Wis), Awkward Maneuvering (-2 Dex), Pregnancy Brain (-1 Int), Impatient (-2 Cha), Cramps cramps cramps (-1 Con), Greater Exhaustion (-2 Con, -2 Cha), Greater Recovery (-3 Con, -2 Str)

Level 30 Human Warlock/Ranger
Height: 5’8″
Weight: Redacted
Shoe Size: 11
Bra Size: 36B

Str: 17 16
Dex: 12
Con: 12
Int: 20 18
Wis: 16 15
Cha: 16

Highest skills: Heal, Knowledge (Science) (Arcana), Spot, Listen, Swim, Supportive

Feats: Alertness, Diligent, Spell Focus, Project Queen, Diaper Genius

Diseases/Curses: Recovering from Tendonsis (-1 Str), Anxiety (-1 Wis), Minor Foot Surgery (-1 Dex), Exhaustion (-2 Int)

Player Three

Level 0 Human NPC
Height: 20″ crown to heel
Weight: 7 lb 5oz

Str: 10
Dex: 8
Con: 8
Int: 2
Wis: 2
Cha: 20

Highest skills: Grow, Swim, Hide, Sleep, Eat, Poop
Feats: Self-Sufficient, Stealthy, Heartbeat, Growth, Wiggle, Kick, Roll, Squirm, Being Born
Diseases/Curses: Hiccups, Existential Crises, Hunger, Wet Diapers

Lady Jr is a real human being:
Lady Jr


I gained 32 pounds.

I went up two cup sizes and two band sizes.

I went up one shoe size (arguably half a size, but we’ll see).

I didn’t get stretch marks.

I never threw up (okay once in my mouth a little).

I went from squatting 165# to 45#.

I only had a few cravings in the first trimester, the weirdest of which was fried chicken wings.

My belly button stayed in, albeit stretched.

My wedding ring came off around 30 weeks.

Highest highs: The return of a feeling of normalcy in the second trimester.

Lowest lows: The unflagging nausea and fatigue in the first trimester.

Would I do it again? Hell no. Just don’t ask a year from now, kay?


Honestly, I had a really good, lucky pregnancy. There were some hard parts, but they could (usually) be measured in days. I had a fast and safe, if insane, labor. No complications, no high blood pressure, no GD – I am counting all my lucky stars and thanking the universe for each one.

And now for the next adventure: parenthood.


Progress Photo:

41 Weeks


Filed under gaybies, pregnancy, progress

On the Other Side

Thank  you all for your outpouring of love and congrats! Still in the overwhelmed stage of things, but thanks to reading so many of your journies, I feel like we have a solid handle on this.

That said, omg exhaustion. Today has been the best day for sleep by far and that was getting a solid two hours, plus a few one hour naps. Me, not baby, just to be clear. Lady Jr has been sleeping like it’s going out of style. Which is awesome. It’s me that’s the problem.

Crashing from the adrenaline rush has left me anxious and knowing I’ll have to wake up in just an hour or two to feed her again means I lie in bed thinking about how much I need to go to sleep like now, okay how about now, well maybe now, instead of actually sleeping. It’s getting better and will improve with practice, but oof – because she was born in the middle of the night, I went three whole days on about six hours total sleep.

But hopefully that was the worst of it. Lady and I are figuring out a schedule that lets us both get sleep and once my milk comes in, I’ll be able to pump a little and score an extra sleep cycle in turn. I’m so, so glad Lady has two weeks off and 100% understand why we need not just maternity leave, but family leave. How anyone takes care of a newborn alone is beyond me. The US is a cruel, cruel country.

But anyway, back to the good stuff.

I’ve been happy crying a lot. I cry when I look at my wife taking care of Lady Jr. I cry when I get sleep. I cried when Lady Jr had a poopy diaper, because all the painful and sore boobs were actually worth something. I cried writing her birth story. I cried when we were let out of the hospital. I cried when I made it through the first night at home.

Help, send tissues.

I’ve been healing well. Still sore in the bits, but my legs work and I finally pooped (which I cried about, too fyi) and we even went for the shortest walk around the block today. I am in awe of my body and what is has done. I should never have doubted it. I have taken two showers since we got home and they’ve been amazing. I’ve also been pleasantly surprised at how quickly my giant belly went away. I was braced to look somewhat pregnant for a while after birth, but I look more like I did at 10 weeks – that is, maybe a little bloated and soft, but in no way pregnant. No stretch marks, either – well, aside from the ones I’ve had since puberty. Only a stretched out belly button, which I’ll gladly take.

I’ve been sleeping on my back, although not as much as I’d expected. Apparently I’d become used to sleeping on my side and now it’s even more comfortable without the weight on my hips and belly. I don’t have to pee all the time and my heartburn is almost all gone. It’s been interesting exploring how much I can eat now – I’m hitting my satiation limit before feeling full, instead of the other way around (which was not fun, btw).

I still haven’t transitioned mentally to not-pregnant, though. I keep touching my belly, trying to feel her when she’s not sleeping on me. I forget that I can roll over and actually get out of bed without having to do this weird backwards scuttle. I haven’t even thought about laying on my stomach until just now. I’m still doing a funny wiggle to sit up, but that might be because my abs are really weak. And the very physical absence of my belly has been disorienting.

I think the most surprising thing so far, though, has been the absolute intense love I feel not towards Lady Jr, but towards my wife. She is amazing and she was so good and strong through labor, and she’s so in love with Lady Jr, and she’s taking care of me even while I’m trying to take care of her.

I love Lady Jr too, it’s just quieter. Softer. A little more stunned and shell-shocked. The intensity is lacking and sometimes I look at her and see this weird little piece of me instead of a baby, but I know that’s normal and that the really deep love will come. It often takes time for me to fall in love, but I know once I do it’s for life.


You made it all this way, so have a photo of my two favorite ladies:

Baby Doore


Filed under gaybies

Lady Jr’s Birth Story

It happened so fast. It was also 100% not what I was expecting, and I was trying to go in with minimal expectations.

Monday was my self-calc’ed due date, so I spent the day doing things I thought I wouldn’t be able to do any time soon after Lady Jr’s arrival. I got my hair cut and I walked around the mall and ate a cinnamon sugar pretzel. Then I spent a lovely evening with my wife watching stupid stuff and cuddling. When we went to bed around ten, I knew I wasn’t going to make the OB’s predicted 10/11 due date either.

Hahahaha – boy was I wrong.

At 11pm my water broke. It felt like someone had just whacked my cervix with a pickax. Lady felt the pop and we both were instantly 100% awake. I didn’t really realize the ensuing pain was a contraction, I just thought it was a super intense cramp. Then I felt the trickle of water and thought, oh shit – we’d better call the hospital.

But maybe not? I mean, it wasn’t much and it was mostly a lot of bloody mucus. And then another cramp hit and I couldn’t move, it was so painful. I was shaking pretty badly. Lady timed it, then timed the next one, then the next one – 4min apart, then 3 and 3. Each one was worse than the last. She called L&D and they told us to come in right away.

We got up and got dressed. Lady hurriedly packed a few last minute things. I found that standing and moving made the contractions a lot more bearable. I knew they were contractions by then because they felt like a wave of pain, and were coming in intervals. Riding in the car, though, was pretty difficult. During a five minute drive to the hospital, I had three more contractions.

We sat in the car in the parking lot while I rode out the end of the last one and watched another pregnant couple get out of the car in front of us and head in. Then we followed. While she got into a wheelchair at the elevators, I insisted we take the stairs. I just knew it’d be more bearable. We walked all the way to L&D, me gripping Lady’s hand hard during each contraction and trying to breathe through them.

We waited behind the other couple at check-in, me grabbing the counter and going still with each wave of pain. Finally, they started checking us in, but it seemed like they didn’t have our pre-registration anywhere in the system. So Lady was answering all their questions for me and when they got to the fact that my water had already broken, the nurses were like – oh, we can you back to triage now and Lady can finish up with the check-in.

So they led me to the back and another room and told me to disrobe and lie down. By then I was shaking uncontrollably and it was difficult to do either. I managed, though, but waited to lie down until the nurse actually showed up and finished putting on her gloves. Then my wife was allowed in and the nurse checked my cervix.



I laughed and asked the nurse if she had just said 8cm. She re-confirmed, then said happily, “you’re gonna have a baby!” And I was like, “within a few hours?” And she was like, “I doubt it’ll take that long, but we can still get you an epidural.”

To which I responded YES PLEASE NOW.

The contractions were unbearable, one right after the other, and I was panicking. I couldn’t imagine experiencing anything worse, yet they were getting worse. On top of that, I was suddenly very terrified of pushing. I didn’t care that I’d made it this far without any pain meds – I wouldn’t make it any further.

Well, I made it to 10cm. They wheeled me into delivery and had to verify that my platelets were all right and also fill me up with two bags of saline. It was the longest 30-45 minutes of my life. I felt pressure in my pelvis and the urge to push, but I resisted so hard because I just wasn’t ready. I still couldn’t believe this was happening. Every contraction I felt like I was going to faint, die, or throw up – or all three. I squeezed my wife’s hand so hard and she stayed right at my side, answering all the questions the nurses threw at me. Was I allergic to anything? No. When was the last time I’d eaten or drank anything? 8pm. When had my water broke again? 11pm. Was this my first time? Yes. Holy fuck? Holy fuck.

I was whispering please please please through each contraction as they set up the epidural. Then they had me sit up and lean forward and I heard them marveling at how still I was. They watched the contraction peak and ebb on their fancy screen and then the epidural was in. I hadn’t even felt it.

The relief came slowly. By the third contraction, I could tell the edge was off. By the sixth and seventh, I could talk and breathe again. I relaxed and they turned me from side to side as my legs grew numb. The surge of nurses trickled out, leaving me alone with one, and I suddenly knew I could do this. Lady helped me top off the epidural and finally everything was blissfully numb. I hardly felt each contraction and then I didn’t feel them at all.

That’s when the nurse decided it was time to push. Another rush of doctors and nurses and they got me legs up and ready. They waited for a contraction and then told me to push with all my strength. So I did. Then we rested and we did it again. Then we rested and did it a third time. I felt something slip free and suddenly the pressure was gone and there was a blood-covered, very upset baby on my chest.

I cried. Lady cried. Lady Jr cried. Inbetween, I delivered the placenta and the doc stitched up a small second degree tear. I didn’t feel it. I could hardly believe what was on my chest. I could hardly believe what had happened.

My water broke at 11pm and Lady Jr was born at 2:05am. Three hours. Three insane, intense, incredible hours.


The last two days have been a whirl of nurses and newness and exhaustion and pain and soreness and trying to figure out what this tiny human wants and needs. I’m more than a little afraid of the immediate future, but I know we can do this. Already my wife has been 900% amazing and supportive and I honestly couldn’t have done this without her.


Welcome to the world, Lady Jr, aka Hazel Marie.


Filed under Uncategorized

Welcome Lady Jr

7lbs 5oz, born at 2.05am. Pics and story to follow.


Filed under Uncategorized

Week 40: Averages

Player One
Player Two
Level 29 Human Bard/Fighter
Height: 5’9″
Weight: 164 +??
Shoe Size: 10 11
Bra Size: 34A  38C

Str: 18 16
Dex: 12 10
Con: 19 18
Int: 12 11
Wis: 14 13
Cha: 18 16

Highest skills: Bluff, Gather Rumors, Knowledge (Folklore) (History), Athletics, Pregnant Maneuvering

Feats: Natural Immunity, Iron WillRun, Nap, Greater Braxton Hicks

Diseases/Curses: Heavy Things Gettin’ Heavy (-2 Str), Anxiety (-1 Wis), Awkward Maneuvering (-2 Dex), Pregnancy Brain (-1 Int), Impatient (-2 Cha), Cramps cramps cramps (-1 Con)

Level 30 Human Warlock/Ranger
Height: 5’8″
Weight: Redacted
Shoe Size: 11
Bra Size: 36B

Str: 17 16
Dex: 12 11
Con: 12
Int: 20
Wis: 16 15
Cha: 16

Highest skills: Heal, Knowledge (Science) (Arcana), Spot, Listen, Swim

Feats: Alertness, Diligent, Spell Focus, Project Queen

Diseases/Curses: Recovering from Tendonsis (-1 Str), Ingrown Toenail (-2 Dex), Anxiety (-1 Wis), Minor Foot Surgery (-1 Dex)

Player Three

Level 0 Human NPC
Height: 20.16″ crown to heel
Weight: 7.63 lb

Str: 8
Dex: 6
Con: 10
Int: 1
Wis: 1
Cha: 15

Highest skills: Grow, Swim, Hide
Feats: Self-Sufficient, Stealthy, Heartbeat, Growth, Wiggle, Kick, Roll, Squirm
Diseases/Curses: Hiccups

Lady Jr is just growing until she becomes fierce like a red panda:





Overall: I’m getting really good at existing while pregnant. I’ve got all the moves down – how to pick things up off the ground, how to get out of bed, how to stand up from the floor, how to sleep. I think that lends itself to the feeling that I’m just gonna be pregnant forever.

But willing or not, Lady Jr’s got no more than two weeks left. During my last OB appointment, the doctor clarified their position on inductions – that they would schedule one after 41 weeks if I want, but one would be necessary after 42 weeks. I don’t want to go past 42 weeks for a dozen reasons – big baby, slowing placenta, possible meconium ingestion, let alone my own discomfort – and Dr Lady is weary about a baby on her birthday, so we talked and decided that next doc visit, we’d go ahead and schedule an induction for the 19th. I really really don’t wanna, and I hope my intuition is right that it’ll be sometime this week, but it’s also reassuring to have an end date planned.

I’m also trying to reassure myself with the reminder that so far, this pregnancy has been pretty average. I’m not special, there haven’t been any weird complications, I’ve experienced a normal amount of discomfort and frustration, so I’m going to project out along that theme. Most first time moms deliver between 40+3 and 41+1, so I probably will, too.

So I’ve got at least until Thursday to chill and do whatever I want. There are a few things around the house to do and I’ve got a ton of books and the weather is lovely for walking, even if I can’t go very far. I’m not going to hurry, because I’ve got tons of time. I’m also going to have a special day today, since it’s my due date. Slow, chill, relaxed. Pretend I’m on vacation and try to ignore the increasingly painful cramps.

Plenty. Of. Time.


Pre-Labor Bingo:

So far we’ve got:

  • Nigh constant Braxton Hicks.
  • Occasional mild, period-like cramps.
  • Lots of mucus.
  • Increased pressure in my pelvis.
  • Lower back ache.
  • Overall feeling like I’m going to start my period tomorrow.
  • So much cramps, possibly even contractions?
  • Increased appetite.

So I think I’ve been having (practice? prodromal?) contractions, but since everybody and their mother says “oh, you’ll know it when you do,” I’m not 100% sure. They’re different from the Braxton Hicks in that they start as a cramp and then spread upwards, sometimes to my back. I wouldn’t quite call them painful, but they’re not pleasant, either. A few have been pretty intense, but they haven’t been regular or increasing in intensity, so obviously not labor.


Preparations for Lady Jr: Little things here and there. The crib has been firmly secured in the side-car manner, complete with bungee cords. We made sure the furnace works (well and also it dropped down to 36 degrees the last two nights so). Lady cut up some blankets for wipes. I mowed the lawn, possibly for the last time this season. Made some apple sauce and cooked another pumpkin so we have all the pumpkin puree in the freezer. Acquired some black-out curtains for the bedroom. Filled my Shuffle up with music.

Idk what else to do, aside from the basic things like vacuuming, laundry, cleaning. We’re as set as we can be without knowing anything about Lady Jr’s temperament and preferences.


Exercise: Walking, although it’s still on and off uncomfortable. Lady Jr is sitting on all the important bits down there, which, uh, is not pleasant. Mowing the lawn counts, right?


Appointments: One last Thursday.

Met the only male doc in the practice and he was surprisingly adorable. I normally don’t like male docs, especially male OBs, but he’s all right.

Everything looked fine. Had the chat about inductions. Had the chat about when to go to the hospital. I declined a cervix check because I didn’t want to get my hopes up and/or be disappointed. Lady Jr seems pretty low, which is good.

Next appointment is Wednesday, where they’ll do a non-stress test, an ultrasound, and probably check my cervix.


Dr Lady: She went in to the podiatrist on Thursday to get her ingrown toenail checked out and they were like, “hey we have a cancellation want to get this fixed right now?” So she had minor foot surgery and they removed the part of the toenail that wasn’t behaving and now she’s in recovery mode. She’s been soaking and resting it and is already in a lot less pain, so I have hope that she’ll be near 100% recovered by Thursday. And then – omg – maybe she will finally be done with foot problems.

Otherwise she’s stressed and impatient and every time I mention I’m having cramps or BH or what have you, she can’t help but get a little excited. And I’m like, dude this could go on for a long time, and she’s like, I knooooow but I can’t help it.

I love her.


Progress Photo:

40 Weeks


Filed under gaybies, pregnancy, progress

Late-Pregnancy Induced Madness

I get it. I really get it now.

I thought – oh, it’s only a few weeks until the end. That’s not much time to go crazy. And everyone knows that first time moms go past their due date. So I know that, too.

But I also thought – hey, JUST IN CASE we should get everything ready. And clean the house. And pack the hospital bag. And dye hair. And put together the crib. Because if we don’t, we’ll totally be blindsided.

And I also thought – this could happen at any time. I mean, I know that statistically it won’t, but it still could.

And then I thought – we just have to make it to October 1st. Lady Jr can come any time after that if she wants. No running/trampoulines/nipple tweaking/giant chocolate cakes until after that date.

And now it’s October 5th and I still have 5 days left until my due date and yet I am 100% convinced that because I haven’t gone into labor yet, I will be pregnant forever.

How did this happen??

I don’t know (yes I do: see preparation fatigue), but I’m playing labor Bingo (is that a contraction? no… is that a contraction?? no…) and looking at the weather. According to this here study – Meteorological factors and timing of the initiating event of human parturition – there is a real (if small) association between high atmospheric pressure and the onset of labor.

And lo, if there isn’t a storm system coming through at the end of this week, followed by a pressure spike.


So somehow I’ve been reduced to weather-watching in the hopes that I can somehow predict the unpredictable.

I can only imagine how much worse this will get once I pass my due date.


Filed under gaybies, pregnancy