I did it!

I put in my two weeks. I’ll be done with this job on July 17th.

Next step: wondering over and over again if I made the right decision. But I can only know if I do.

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Genève! | Part One

We got back from our trip to Switzerland and France (all in the span of a week! agh!) over ten days ago, but it took a bit of time to edit the photos and then more time to just get back into life.

Believe me when I say I really wished we could have stayed longer.

I didn’t really know what to expect from our trip. I’d been to Europe before, but never the French-speaking portions. I’d even been hesitant to learn French in the not-too-distant past, but I’m glad I embraced the language in the last year because it really made our trip a lot easier and more fun. I plan to continue working on my French, even, because it’s a pretty fun language once you get to know it. :)

So I went in without too many expectations, which was good. I could just absorb the place and even fall in love a little bit. For an international city, Genève isn’t huge and doesn’t have that big city feel. It’s clean and open and the public transportation is a dream and there are mountains all around, a big lake at its center, and bakeries on every corner. Super walkable, super friendly people, and overall just a lovely place.

But before I ramble for too long, I said there’d be photos.

Continue reading

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I’m Actually a Little Afraid of July

To be honest.

July is Camp NaNoWriMo, during which I am going to write 50,000 word first draft of my next novel.

July is when we re-return to Crossfit, after taking June off. It’s also when we switch to a 5.30am workout, which we’ll thank ourselves for at noon, but maybe not 5am.

July is also a continuation of the edits I’ve been doing on my other novel, the one I’ve been querying. An agent asked me to revise & resub and I’d like to have that done by September.

July is our next attempt at TTC. Metformin has magically (knock on wood) given me two 28-day cycles in a row. I’m fairly confident we’ll actually get to try in July (knock on wood again).

July is when I will leave this job and job-search and/or hopefully find another. I’m putting in my resignation this week because I am Done. Done. Done. I wanted to see how things were after coming back from our trip and by the second day I was already depressed again, so I need to leave. I have a few applications in and I’m finishing some docs up now that one place asked me for, so hopefully there won’t be a big gap in employment.

That’s… a lot of big, scary things. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to manage it all, but right now I am pretending that I can. Quitting will free up more time to write, since ultimately I want a part-time job. I’m hoping that the job search will take my mind off of TTC and the (hopefully!) subsequent TWW.

I used to have a lot of luck. That luck disappeared in the last year, but I am really banking on still having a smidgeon. I got this.

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Everything is so Gay

SarahAmy018

And it’s kind of amazing.

I went for a hike yesterday morning, so I was away for many hours of the celebration, but a friend texted me right when they released the decision, so at least I wasn’t completely taken by surprise. When I came back to the internet, everything, literally everything, was covered in rainbows.

My wife and I got married in 2012, without any of the legal bits. If you had asked me to guess then when I thought marriage would be opened up to everyone, regardless of sex, I would have said seven years, at the very least five. But a year later, it became legal in Minnesota, the state we wed (and again, legally). Last year, in Arizona, the state we live. And now, everywhere. A round of applause for 2015, guys.

Sometimes, I wonder if we should have waited. But then I remind myself that that’s nonsense. We couldn’t have known then. And as I told Dr Lady and my family, it’s not fair to ask us to plan our lives around the whims of the majority and the courts. Now here we are, married for three years, legal for one in our own state, and now legal everywhere.

This means a lot for us, for everyone. It means we don’t have to narrow our job search to just certain states. It means when we have a kid, we won’t have to jump through more and more legal hoops in case we move. It means we can travel with that kid wherever, and not have to worry about hospitals or other stupid things. It means the United States is finally catching up to the world in at least one, small way.

It also means we’re not done. Not by a long shot. Homeless LGBTQ youth still need protection. Heck, LGBTQ youth in general are still vulnerable in many places. Transphobia is still very alive and very deadly. Plus, racism is still imbedded in our system and culture and LGBTQ of color have their own problems that we need to fix.

This is all beautiful and wonderful and the show of support from every corner has been heartwarming. Over the past fifteen, ten, five years I’ve watched so many friends and family come to accept that being gay is just another way of experiencing life. But in the back of my mind, I can already hear people brushing their hands of our issues, of related issues, and saying we’re done here. I sincerely hope that’s not the case.

For this weekend, anyway, I will choose to believe it’s not and bask in the rainbow-hued love.

Cross-posted to KA_Doore

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Back To Reality

We got in at 9:30pm Monday night and I went back to work yesterday, albeit for a half day. Good call on my part. I couldn’t have done a whole day – jetlag hit me around 2pm and I was out for the rest of the day. Today I’m back for a whole day and we’ll see how that goes.

Monday, our big travel day, was a thirty-three hour day and it gave me a lot of time to think. I’d been feeling increasingly depressed the closer we got to the end of our trip, and not just because vacation would be over. I’m unhappy with a lot of areas in my life right now and the recent family announcement hasn’t helped. Plus, we missed TTC this cycle by a mere two days. Two days. Of course now my body would decide to be more regular.

It’s okay, though. More waiting, but at least now we have time to reacclimatize and take care of ourselves and get our ducks in line and mentally reengage with our lives before we try again. I’m hoping July will see me in a better headspace.

Well, not just hoping. Hope never gets you anything. All those hours of thinking helped me realize that there is something fundamentally wrong and I need to keep trying to correct it. For one thing, I haven’t been writing, and every. single. time. that happens, I get depressed. So I need to get back into writing. Thankfully, Camp NaNoWriMo is next month and I’m going to start a new story.

I also need to learn and play more. Using and speaking the French that I had been working on for the past six months was really validating, and it made me want to try learning new skills in other areas of my life. I haven’t decided exactly what yet, but I have this ukulele I need to play and I’ve been itching to get back into drawing. More creative outlets are definitely on my horizon, as well as more skills. So for July (and maybe August), I’m giving myself permission to play around and mess up and find something new to focus on and improve.

The key is to keep it fun, so I’m not going to assign a certain amount of minutes a day or hours a week, but I am going to make room for these things. There’s a neat mental trick that worked for me when I was having trouble getting back into writing a while ago, and that was to set a timer for five minutes and just do that thing until the timer went off. No other obligation. Then if I wanted to quit after five minutes, I could. But almost always, I wanted to keep going.

I also decided to buckle down further on my writing. I don’t know if I mentioned this, but I received a revise & resubmit from one of the agents I queried and I’ve been mentally chewing on it for, well, the entire trip. She mentioned specifically that my writing was overburdened, and I’ve been reading into that waaay too much. I can kind of see what she means, but now I also feel less than adequate in the writing department. I’ve wallowed in that inadequacy long enough, and it’s time to actually do something about it. Yes, edit that novel and resubmit, but I need to push myself to learn and grow and improve. I need to read and do so attentively. I can improve and I will improve.

So. Phew. That’s a lot. And that’s still not everything going on, but it’s all I can think about right now. The things I can change. The positive.

July will be all about action. I refuse to just wait and keep letting life happen to me. I want to happen to life.

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Au Revoir, Genève

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We’re leaving for the airport in just over an hour and I’m not ready for it. Not just the 19+ hours of travel, shoved together with a hundred strangers in a tiny metal tube as we hurdle across a vast ocean, but also all the things I have to face when I come home.

It’s been lovely ignoring all my problems and the things I was less than happy about and the changes I will have to make, but that time could never last. Even knowing the changes will be good for me doesn’t help.

Oh well. I’m glad we had this opportunity. It was lovely and calm and I was happy more often than not and I got to see our friend and eat gelato by the lake and stroll past old architecture and take lots of photos and pretend, for a short while, that we lived here and this was our life.

But all things must come to an end. Especially vacations. C’est la vie.

Photos will be forthcoming. I took most of them on my actual camera, but I’ll try not to clog up my blog too much.

Au revoir. See you on the other side of the big lake.

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Lyoooon

And now, since I have just proven that I do have internet connection and the ability to update, here are some pretty pictures of Lyon. We have been here only since Wednesday and we are leaving today for quick trip to Dijon, then back to Geneva for the weekend and Fete de la Musique. We have been staying in Air BnBs and while the first one was good, this one is just adorable and amazing.

Here is the view from our windows:

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And these are from our brief sojourn by Le Rhone on our first night:

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I have way more in my big camera, do not worry.

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