|Level 29 Human Bard/Fighter
Highest skills: Bluff, Gather Rumors, Knowledge (Folklore) (History),
Diseases/Curses: Heavy Things Gettin’ Heavy (-2 Str), wth mornings (-2 con), Anxiety (-1 Wis), Awkward Maneuvering (-2 Dex), Bad Sleep (-1 Cha), Pregnancy Brain (-1 Int)
|Level 30 Human Warlock/Ranger
Shoe Size: 11
Bra Size: 36B
Highest skills: Heal, Knowledge (Science) (Arcana), Spot, Listen, Swim
Diseases/Curses: Too Much To Do, Recovering from Tendonsis (-1 Str), Ingrown Toenail (-1 Dex), Anxiety (-1 Wis)
Level 0 Human NPC
Highest skills: Grow, Swim,
|Lady Jr is gaining about an ounce a day. Is that why I feel so much bigger each day?? She’s also shedding her fuzzy coat (and eating it wtf), a coat not (too) unlike this chihuahua’s, which apparently she is the size of this week:
Overall: I’ve officially switched from “omg how is it already x weeks??” to “are we there yet?” I am so done with sharing my body, so done with all the physical limitations, so done with feeling like a stranger in my own skin. Dr Lady asked if I resented Lady Jr, and I truly don’t. I have no ill will towards her and every little squirm makes me smile, I’m just ready to be done. And then I feel guilty because I signed up for this and it hasn’t even been that bad. I can still do a lot of things. I’m just impatient to be doing more.
Otherwise dealing with a bit of an identity crisis on and off, related to the physical limitations, but also some mental ones. Since almost day one of this pregnancy, my imagination has been shot. I have tried to write off and on with limited success. I thought it was just the exhaustion, but then second trimester hit and I felt almost normal again – except for my writing. It’s a bizarre feeling, not being able to tell stories. I used to spin out plots in my head at all hours of the day, especially on walks and while trying to fall asleep. Now I reach out for that same impulse but it’s like moving a phantom limb: I can tense my invisible fingers but they grasp nothing. The muscle memory is there, but the muscle itself is gone.
It’s bizarre and I know all I can do is be patient and hope it’s hormones, but I’m worried. Writing is my life. Or it was. But I don’t even care about it any more. Or reading, which is terrible. But who am I without writing? My job is intentionally not a career, I don’t have anything beyond a BA, and I’ve never wanted to make being a mom my core identity. But I don’t have any other skills. So of course I’m going to panic a little. 😦
I know things will change – and soon – but I don’t know how much they will change.
But then I think about biking with Lady Jr this time next year, or taking her for walks, or celebrating Christmas with a newborn, or showing her the first buds of spring, or watching her pick up Dr Lady’s mannerisms – and none of that matters.
Fun(!) New Symptoms: More extensive boob leakage. It’s not a lot, but it’s enough to make me open the pack of nursing pads we got and start using one.
Massive braxton hicks. They seem to be related to extensive movement and/or a lack of electrolytes. After my tiny panic earlier last week, we acquired some electrolyte tabs and that seemed to help. Until we went for a bike ride Sunday, and then I just had BH the entire. time. So. I don’t think I’ll be biking again for a while. It’s just too uncomfortable, and kind of wore me out.
Lady Jr has been shoving her feet further and further up towards my ribs and suddenly my loosest bra is tight. I think these things are related. It’s about time to invest in some nursing bras anyway.
Preparations for Lady Jr: Installed the car seat last night. And immediately questioned whether we had done it right. How is something that should be so simple so strangely complicated? I think I might make an appointment with a car seat tech, since the internet is only so helpful.
Acquired flip flops for the hospital. Also for the yard. It’s nice having something that fits my big feet and lets me dash the trash across the yard.
Started gathering things for freezer meals. I have a few recipes on pinterest and there’s one I need to throw together today involving cranberries and pork pot roast. It’s difficult finding things that sound good, but are also gluten- and nightshade-free. I’ve gotten so used to being able to eat whatever I want that it’s going to be hard going back.
Exercise: Walks, although terribly truncated because holy shit there are a ton of mosquitoes. 😦 A little lifting. One short and one long bike ride, although not to be repeated because of all the BH. Air squats and resistance band stretches throughout the work day.
Appointments: One at the end of this week.
Dr Lady: She is a little bit anxious and panicky. Also sensitive. I’ve been stepping on her toes more than usual – both figuratively and literally – and we’ve both been having to take extra time to listen and talk to each other. Although she’s super excited about Lady Jr and already fiercely protective, she’s worried about how much our relationship will change post baby. I am too. I’m confident we’ll be okay… eventually, but I also know that it can be very hard and it will take a lot of work.
Still having foot problems. She’s trying to find a doctor, but they all have 6+ week waitlists for new patients. 😦