Light… Somewhere in the Tunnel

We tried something new for the last few nights and it seems to be working for us. I sleep in the office until 12 or 1am and Dr Lady handles the baby during that time, including feeding. Then I get up, pump, and go to bed on baby’s side and am on baby duty until 5-6am, when I get up, pump again, and try to work.

This would work even better if I actually fell asleep when I go to bed. x.x Baby can go 4-5 hours without eating in the first stretch of the night now (or at least for the last five or six days), which means I only miss one feed during that first window. But for some reason, despite being exhausted all day, I wake up right when it’s time to go to bed and then I just lie there for an hour, two, wishing I could fall asleep. I’ve tried a little beer. I’ve tried benadryl. I didn’t even have a second (or third) cup of coffee yesterday. I expect it’s anxiety. :/

Dr Lady’s having the same problem. She *could* go to sleep during that first watch and catch a few hours, but that would require actually falling asleep. Sleep deprivation is stupid and cruel and I want to punch it in the face. :<

The other fun part is I can only sleep for an hour at a time before waking up. So even with this opportunity to (easily!) get a stretch of 3 or 4 hours, I can’t. I imagine this is one of those things that will get better with more practice, but right now it’s frustrating to know I have the time and space to get sleep, to know Dr Lady is handling the fussing, crying baby on her own so I can sleep, but I just. can’t.

Anyway. That will get better if we keep doing this, I’m sure. I’m just not sure how long I want to do this. On the one hand, it’s helping. On the other, it means sleeping on the floor in the office and an extra pumping session. On the other (oh god why do I have three hands??), it’s less time spent cuddling. But, well, sleep first. All things second.

At least Lady Jr’s sleep has stabilized a little. She’s still waking up fussing every 60-75min but she’s going down a little easier and there’ve been a few times where we just waited a minute or two and she put herself back to sleep. Not every time, but sometimes. So we’re playing a sort of wait-and-see game of CIO – if she’s just fussing, we wait. If she starts really crying, we give it a minute or two and then go in and soothe her. I don’t know if this is helping her learn good sleep habits, but it’s helping us, and until we both are in a better place, that’s the important bit.

So. Deep breath. Hopefully this strategy continues to improve the situation. I would love to start working on other pieces of life that need attention (weight, health, exercise, work, general feeling of malaise, friends, cleaning, literally everything else). One thing at a time, though.

Here, you made it this far. Have a picture of a baby who likes to roll onto her stomach, only to cry because now she’s on her stomach. God, I love this baby so much.




Filed under gaybies

3 responses to “Light… Somewhere in the Tunnel

  1. I know this is silly, but I think she looks like Dr Lady in this photo.

  2. Exercise! Remember that?! Gosh, I loved it so. Some day…
    And she is SUPER cute. No wonder you’re so enamored with her!

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