We’re re-evaluating. Yeah. That’s the word. Certainly not giving up completely. Nope.
It’s funny. I was glancing through old blog posts (’cause baby pics) and saw my own comment about oh no, baby was only sleeping three hours. Then only two. And now I laugh. And laugh. And sob.
Saturday night was pretty rough. 45min here. 30min there. Then the baby decided 5.30am was the time to get up and no amount of cuddling, feeding, sshing could get her back to sleep for more than a minute or two. Sunday was awful. I was a wreck. I drank an entire pot of coffee and didn’t even feel it. I dreaded Sunday night, didn’t want to go to sleep because I’d gotten to the what’s-the-point stage, but I did, and things were a little better. Baby slept 2 hours here and 2 hours there and I didn’t sleep for the full amount of either of those chunks, but apparently two 90min chunks is enough to get by.
Could we have fucked things up by trying to sleep train and then stopping? I don’t know. The problem with sleep training is that you need to be relatively not exhausted to do it properly, but if you need to sleep train then you’re probably already exhausted, and that first night is just going to exhaust you further. Like I said, I’m barely functioning on good days, so…
So we’re not going to continue, not until I can stop freaking out/crying/shutting down at the littlest thing. Instead, we’re going to focus on extending the times between feeds, which is slightly easier. It means we can still ssh and pat and give her the pacifier and hold her to help her fall and stay asleep, just stick to no boob until a certain hour. Easier to remember in the middle of the night when you don’t know what day or year it is. Easier, too, to calm a crying baby than lie there, listening to her cry and cry and cry.
Last night, baby went four hours, twice(!), between feeds. This is the longest she’s done since before the sleep regression. This is great, now we just have to stick with it. For a few nights, now, we’ve been sticking with no less than three hours, except very close to morning, when the last feed might be too disruptive if we pushed it off too long.
I’m giving it three more weeks. In three weeks, baby will be six months. In three weeks, the nights will be less cold and therefore the office – aka her room – will be less cold. In three weeks, she has another doctor appointment and maybe we can make 100% sure nothing else is going on. In three weeks, I’ll either be a broken shell of a human being or this gentler method will have absolutely revolutionized everything – no inbetween.
In three weeks, I should be 100% on board with the sleep training thing instead of the 90% I was. Apparently 90% isn’t good enough. Apparently that 10% of doubt festers and eats at your mind when it’s 9.30pm and the baby’s been crying off and on for 40min. Who knew.
(You did, probably. We were warned, after all.)
(Nevertheless, we persisted)