Confession

I couldn’t do it last night. I cried off and on all day. I was too exhausted to do anything but lie down during my lunch break, even though I didn’t sleep. I went to bed when the baby went to bed. And when she cried, I held her and cried, too.

I wish I could then say that the Attachment Parenting Fairy came and blessed us with a wonderful, cuddly night. Hahahahah. No. It was worse than usual. Instead of 2ish hours in the beginning, she was up. every. single. hour.

I’m at my wit’s end. I think tonight I’m going to go sleep in the office for part of the night and maybe tomorrow, when I’m not such a mess, we can reevaluate.

Edited: It’s possible we’ve just started Leap 5. She has been a bit clingier/fussier these last few days, but I wasn’t sure if that was because of her shitty sleep. Another tell for this leap is for sleep to get worse, but, well, it didn’t have anywhere to get worse from, so I didn’t even consider it. :/

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16 Comments

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16 responses to “Confession

  1. Maybe it’s time to step back and let doctor lady do some night time stuff? There was a time when I had to turn the monitor off, go to the furthest away point of the house, and put earplugs in while Ali and Jen worked stuff out for a night.

    • I think that’s what we might need to do. Or at least what we’re going to try next. I wouldn’t let her do Ferber by herself because the crying is just as hard for her as it is for me, but she can soothe baby to sleep without me, for sure.

  2. When we did the happy sleeper method hard core, we took turns sleeping in the guest room so that at least one of us was getting some sleep. When Catch was on duty, she would only wake me at designated feeding times.

    • Oh, that’s really good to hear. I think I’ve come to the realization that that’s what we’re going to need to do, because otherwise I don’t get a lick of sleep and if I let baby cry, I feel guilty because it’s keeping Dr Lady up.
      I was just telling Dr Lady that there will be a bottle of milk in the fridge tonight and I will be in the office for at least 4 hours so I can catch up on my sanity.

  3. Also… you’re doing a great job. This is hard stuff. Thinking of you. ❤

  4. Any chance she’s teething? That sounds so much like our first with teeth. We dosed with pain meds before bed.

    • Oooh–good call. Charlotte cut her first tooth at 5 mos on the nose, but the teething misery started well before that.

      • I mean maybe? We keep coming back to the possibility of teething, but that’s been over the last two months, so. She’s been drooling and chomping on things for weeks and weeks now and little else has changed.
        We have been giving her tylenol off and on because we keep thinking “maybe she’s teething *now*?” and it can’t hurt (s’long as we don’t give her like, oodles of tylenol). It is definitely possible we just have very very bad timing.

        Babies. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      • Yeah. It’s so hard to know. We basically spend the first two years of their lives trying to discern why they won’t sleep. Ha. Except not really ha. Darwin started teething at 3 months and got her first two teeth at 4 months 20/21 days. Hang in there. You’re doing a great job. ❤

  5. No advice, just sending love and support. Parenting is not for the faint of heart, as I have learned myself! Good luck and hang in there!

    • ❤ ❤ ❤
      I knew it'd be hard but knowing is one thing, experiencing something else.
      Still, even with all the sleep dep and tears, I don't regret it. Not one bit.

  6. AndiePants

    I have no advice, and honestly you don’t need that, you need sleep. But I do have deep empathy. SO I’ll just send love and hope something happens soon so you can get some rest.

  7. Oh mama. It’ll get better at some point. You’re doing everything you can and there’s nothing wrong with taking a break for a night or two. I hope you get some sleep soon!

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