TL;DR: Everything is awful. We’re awful. Sleep training is awful. But I think I know what the problem is.
So up until about Saturday, things seemed to be progressing well. Then Lady Jr just cried and cried and cried and started sounding really distressed and it was just me in the house, listening to her cry and listening to the cats cry and so I caved and boobed her to sleep. And since then it’s like we’re back to square one. I know I shouldn’t have caved. I also have newfound respect for every parent who goes through this.
Saturday night she was up every two hours, then every hour after 1am.
Dr Lady came home Sunday and we toughed it out a bit until she accidentally soothed Lady Jr to sleep. Again, Lady Jr was up every two hours, then every hour after midnight.
Monday night, I caved after 30min of crying (with soothing intervals). That night also sucked.
Tuesday night, we talked about committing or not to doing this. Dr Lady reiterated that this isn’t just for us, it’s for Lady Jr, too. If our sleep is shitty, then so is hers. So we re-committed to sleep training and sticking to the schedule. Lady Jr fell asleep after one wave, but woke again around 8pm and cried and cried and cried. I said I’d feed her if she made it to 9pm, because then it would’ve been 2.5 hours since she last ate and also I needed to sleep. She made it to 9pm. I fed her and she instantly fell asleep. The rest of the night was the same: slept until 11, woke again right before 1, then 2, 3, 4, 5…
I feel terrible because we haven’t been able to stick it out. The total crying time hasn’t ever been more than 30min, she just rolls and fusses and spits out her nuk inbetween, so she’s not getting sleep. Apparently the night she self-soothed to sleep without the pacifier was a one-off. I feel terrible because all this crying is getting us nowhere. I feel terrible because I know caving isn’t helping her, it’s only making me feel better for a few minutes.
I used to be the most stubborn, strong-willed person, too. What happened??
Anyway, this is all to say that my updates stopped because, basically, we stopped. And I feel so, so guilty for it. But I also know we need to do this.
So we’re restarting. Re-committing. And this time the pacifier is being taken out of the equation, because I think she (and we) were relying on it for sleep instead of actually learning how to fall asleep. Which she can do! And we’re going to stick to the schedule unless it seems like she’s going to cry herself to hysterics, in which case then we’ll soothe a little sooner. And I’m just going to have to stay up later and handle it.
I also need to stop googling “Ferber support” when it gets rough because you know what pops up? Not support.
My stubborn streak is still here somewhere. I just need to find it again. And if we can’t do this right, then we need to not do it at all and just deal with the shitty sleep for a few more months.
So I need to do it right.