Lady Jr will be officially Four Months Old this coming Saturday. I both can’t even and can even. It is a strange feeling
Let’s see… what’s new this week:
1. She is increasingly fighting any and all sleep. We were able to hold her until her eyes started to flutter, then put her down and leave. Now, if we do that, she immediately starts fussing. I have to hold her for 20min before I can put her down without any crying, but then she’s up again 10min later and we have to do it again.
While I don’t mind holding her for the occasional nap during the day, this has begun happening at night, too. We have had several nights where she wakes, I feed her, I put her down – and then, even with her eyes closed, she starts crying. Pick her up, hold her, quiet her, put her down – same thing. It’s not gas, it’s not hunger, it’s not a diaper, there are no symptoms of teething. If we let her fuss, it just gets worse. So we soothe and settle and cry and repeat until she finally stays down without a peep. Only for her to wake again 20, 30min later.
But it’s sporadic, too. Sometimes she’ll go 3 hours just fine, which is the only reason I haven’t gone mad with sleep dep yet. I can’t figure out what’s different. She gets her naps during the day, we avoid letting her stay awake too long, we have a bedtime routine and time we follow religiously. But her sleep has been shit for over three weeks and now it’s getting worse instead of better.
We’re trying to be stubborn about putting her down drowsy, even when it means constantly having to go in and soothe her, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. Everything I read is contradictory, too. She doesn’t seem ready for CIO, and neither am I, so it looks like we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing until one of us breaks. As long as I get the occasional 3 hour chunk of sleep, I can function. And coffee. Lots of coffee.
2) She’s gotten so good at grasping things! She now grabs and pulls things to her when they’re within reach, which means we gotta start being more careful about what’s in reach. This includes hair, hats, toys, diapers – anything.
3) Tummy time is slowly becoming less excruciating for everyone involved. They must be working on it at daycare because early last week I got her to lay on her tummy for 2min without fussing, but not really lifting her head, but on Friday I put her on her tummy and she immediately pushed to her elbows and lifted her head. She still doesn’t particularly care for it, but there’s progress.
4) She’s getting more and more responsive to facial expressions. She has started smiling when we smile at her, which is one of the best feelings.
All in all, she’s getting stronger and becoming more and more of her own, tiny person. I love her and her cuddles and her smiles and sometimes it’s still really hard (see: when she won’t sleep more than 20min at a time) but I know this, too, shall pass.
As for me, I really need to figure out a way to exercise while exhausted and taking care of a baby. My diet has steadily improved now that my parents are gone (no more pumpkin pie on the counter or daily KFC makes a big difference). I can run or lift weights on Wed/Thurs/Fri when baby is at daycare, but I really need to be doing something every day. I know my body will never be what it was, but I’ll feel better about myself if I’m at least a little stronger, a little healthier, and – yes – able to fit into most of my skirts come summer.
The problem, so far, is that whatever free time I have – i.e. when baby’s sleeping – I spend writing. I have a book due July 1st and knowing my writing process, four and a half months, while doable, is also not much time at all. I have to hit word count every. single. day. otherwise I risk missing my deadline. It’s a little stressful. And it also means that instead of using my free time to lift or run or otherwise do self care, I’m working. But what else can I do?
This, too, shall pass.
So I’ll just keep looking forward to spring and warmer weather and being able to take baby out to the garage with me or go for a run with her. In the meantime, the aching solitude of being stuck at home alone with a baby will just have to be, and I’ll just have to deal with it by embracing this time devoid of distractions in which I can just be with my baby.
More pics because the world is dark and scary and it needs more cute baby photos:
Edited to add: Lady Jr just rolled from belly to back! Twice!! Woo!