Good days, bad days. She screamed through the evenings half of this week, and was relatively calm the other half. We’ve given up on predicting these episodes and just go with the flow. So sometimes I get sleep and sometimes I don’t. Oh well.
She can hold her head up while I carry her around close to my chest and the last few walks she’s been awake and looking out/around for more than just a minute here and there. She’s tried to grab my arm and has started grabbing diaper liners at changing time. She smiles and babbles and turns her head this way and that. I think I caught the beginning of a laugh the other day. She looked up and saw the mobile on her bouncer this morning and watched it with no small amount of delight.
Sleep is improving in fits and starts. One night last week she went five hours and twenty minutes between feeds. I’d say five hours asleep, but she woke up in the middle with a wet diaper. By the time I’d changed it, she was already out like a light. Then these past two nights she’s been waking up every two and a half hours again. She still refuses to go to bed before 11pm, but at least she doesn’t wake up until after 7am.
When she wakes up, sometimes it’s with a few screams and sometimes she just opens her eyes and looks around. The latter seems to be happening more and more often.
I am re-learning every song I’ve ever known as I try to sing this baby to sleep at night. Recently, I’ve memorized Mein Kleiner Gruener Kaktus. Next I’m aiming for 99 Luftballoons. Idk, maybe German songs will make her feel sleepy in the future?
I’m starting to feel fat. I haven’t lost any weight since that initial drop and the sleep dep and bad eating means that whatever calories I’m burning through breast feeding are being negated. I wish I could exercise more than just going for walks, but most days I can’t imagine going for a run, let alone lifting, because I’m so tired. And on the good days, I just don’t have a chance because I can’t really take baby running or lifting with me. She can at least go on walks.
I’ve graduated from simply trying to keep this little chub alive to thinking of her as a kind of super-needy pet to beginning to realize this is a tiny human and I am one of her moms. I can’t stand to hear her crying and it’s getting harder and harder for me to hand her off to grandma so I can sleep/write/pee. I feel super guilty whenever I’m not there with her, paying attention to her, etc etc even though I know at this age existing is enough stimulation for her.
I’ve also come face to face with almost every single one of my faults over the past two months. I thought becoming a mother was supposed to elevate you into an instantly self-less, caring individual, not lay bare all the ugliness you never knew was there. I’m much more controlling than I’d ever thought and just plain mean sometimes. I’m working on both but… I can see why marriages fall apart after a baby. You have to be really, really aware of what you’re doing and saying and why.
She’s still having a hard time with the work/baby/life balance. Evenings are a little bit easier for her now that baby is not always throwing a screaming fit and I’ve been staying up, but she’s worried about how little time she gets to spend with the baby.
Also that I’m less and less willing to relinquish the baby when she’s fussy. Because well, I’ve been with baby all day and know what’s up and can usually get her to calm down quickly. But then Dr Lady never gets a chance to figure out what’s up and feels even less connected with her daughter. So Lady Jr fusses and fusses and then I swoop in and she stops fussing and the end result is Dr Lady feels like a failure and I feel like I always have to soothe the baby. 😦 It’s a hurdle I never anticipated, and any hints or tips would be greatly appreciated. And it’s not just Dr Lady – I keep swooping in on grandma, too. Aaggh.
Now that you’ve suffered through all that, have some pics!
Being 8 weeks and nigh 2 months, I thought I’d look back at how much Lady Jr has grown and wow. Above are, from top left clockwise, 1 week, three weeks, six weeks, and 8. Those first few months when she was just a wee worm seem like so long ago now.
Lady Jr and Dr Lady.
Content floor time.
And bonus! first sticky snow this seasons. I’m excite. My more snow-experienced Minnesotan wife is less so.