Well. Six weeks and a day, now.
We’ve hit peak fuss. By god, I hope it’s peak fuss. I don’t know if I can do it if it gets much worse than this.
I couldn’t update on Tuesday because I was breaking down from exhaustion. Lady Jr and I both had shitty sleep for the weekend and Monday and I guess only four hours a night on top of weeks of too-little sleep was just too much. It got the point where I was anxious and hysterical and unable to sleep, which is never a good place to be. But after trying to go to sleep for five(!) hours, a benadryl, ear plugs, white noise, a beer, some magnesium, and being reassured that I wouldn’t be woken up, I was finally able to fall asleep.
For two hours. Then I woke up and rushed out because Lady Jr was crying and I thought Dr Lady needed help. She didn’t. She pushed me back to bed where I slept. For another three hours. And then I woke up again to Lady Jr crying and rushed out and well, that was still more and better sleep than I’d gotten in a week so.
Lady Jr had her six week check-up. She’s all of nine and a half pounds, which is right in line with gaining .5 pounds a week. I’m still flabbergasted she can be so tiny, considering all of the women I’ve known who gave birth to 9+ pound babies. But Lady Jr is just long and skinny, and is it weird I worry about her being chubby enough? But the doctor says she’s fine so I’ll believe it.
Well… fine-ish. She’s been spitting up and gassy and inconsolably screaming, so the doc thinks she might have reflux and/or be colicky. 😦 We’ve been giving her gas drops occasionally, but now we’re giving her drops after every feeding as well as probiotic drops. I was very gassy myself for a while after eating a batch of almond butter brownies my mom had made, so I am hoping that now those are gone, we’ll both feel better. I don’t know what else it could be – I’m not eating anything else regularly enough that could be problematic – except just an immature gastrointestinal tract. Which is tied into peak fuss.
I’m tired but I don’t have time to be tired because I have work to do but I don’t have time to do that work because I’m tired and trying to keep everything together because I’m a virgo and I can’t not be a virgo, apparently. Why do I need to have clean clothes and a clean kitchen and a vacuum’ed floor?? Why do things have to be picked up and put away and organized?? I see the mold that needs to be scrubbed away in the shower that I haven’t had a chance to get to and it brings physical pain. I don’t know how to not care about those kinds of things, though. I thought the not giving a fig about chores and messes would come with the hormones or something, but I still care. I care about the dust on the shelves and the cat’s untrimmed claws and the hair on the floor in the bathroom and the dirty windowsills and the clutter on the counters and the dirt tracked in by muddy shoes and this basket of laundry that needs to be put away –
And I wear Lady Jr and get some of it done but there’s four (five??) people in this house and it’s so hard to keep up with it all and I’m so tired…
It gets better. It has to get better. Peak fuss. That means we’re on a downhill now, right?