As of 20 weeks, I have finally:
– Stopped looking for / expecting blood every time I go to the bathroom;
– Started saying “when” instead of “if”;
– Started a registry, with actual items that we actually need;
– Started talking to Lady Jr on a regular basis;
– Started looking pregnant to my own eyes;
– Begun wearing maternity clothes almost exclusively;
– Started actually using the word “pregnant” to describe myself;
– Begun talking about and narrowing down potential names;
– Talked to bosses about what kind of maternity leave I need / expect; and
– Started planning for the inevitable outcome of this whole pregnancy thing.
I’m actually looking at prenatal yoga and birth classes and trying to construct my own labor training regime. It’s like, as soon as I really felt Lady Jr kicking and we hit 20 weeks and my bump, well, bumped, a switch was thrown in my head from Let’s Pretend Nothing is Happening to OMG WTF BABYQ.
I even felt like a boss lifting this week, because I have a bump bitches and my piddly weights (hopefully) no longer look so piddly.
It’s not quite all at once acceptance – I still have a ways to go towards realizing that this thing in me is a real, live, soon-to-be human being – but this has been a major jump forward.
I feel like I’m finally understanding a lot of things that have always perplexed me about pregnant ladies, too. Such as: why do they touch their stomach so much?? We can see it’s there! But it’s still new to them – to me – and all these body changes are happening much faster than our own mental image of ourselves can keep up.
I also get why pregnant ladies are always talking about their being pregnant. I, too, have started talking about it more (and more [and more]). But it’s the only way I know how to process this and to continue to grapple with what’s happening. When I mention my clothes getting too small or needing to nap for two, that’s my way of reminding myself this is real, this is really happening.
It’s still weird, though. I don’t know if that will ever fade.
But yeah, I wondered when I would start feeling pregnant and stop trying to distance myself from a potential disaster and the answer is apparently 20 weeks.