Throughout the TTC process, I spent a considerable amount of time daydreaming of continuing to do Crossfit while I was pregnant. Because obviously I would. I foresaw nothing stopping me but maybe my doctor, whom I would then cheerfully school on the adaptations I would make and the benefit of continued exercise. Otherwise, aside from dropping the weight on my lifts, everything would be exactly the same.
I am so frustrated with my workouts. I have cried after every single class these past two weeks because I’m so slow, so weak, so behind everyone else. Or I can’t even do the movement. I told my coaches early hoping they would work with me, but so far, nothing. I’ve been left to my own devices on multiple occasions and I’m this close to throwing in the towel.
It doesn’t help that we’ve just been doing a lot of stuff I shouldn’t be doing lately, like 1RMs (1 Rep Max, again as heavy as you can possibly go) and workouts at 100%. Take last night, which was the final straw: a 1RM weighted dip and then a 100% full out mile run or 2k row. Hahahah – no.
I tried to do the dip anyway (because I’m smart) and was the only one to fail at it. So I got to spend 30min in the back of the gym while the rest of the class worked on their 1RMs. I ended up doing the 2k row and then just leaving because I. was. done.
It’s hard to tell how much of my frustration is hormonal. I know second trimester is when I’m supposed to start getting extra sensitive, and holy fuck am I sensitive about this. I also don’t know how to dial that sensitivity down.
But I can’t keep doing this. It’s everything I hated about sports growing up – constantly being the slowest and worst, being ignored or skipped over in any group activities. I had hoped Crossfit would be a better environment during this, especially our box, but it looks like I was wrong.
I’m not rage-quitting yet, but I am going to ditch the classes and sit in on Lady’s one-on-one training for a few weeks instead and see how that goes. I am a very competitive person and I may just need to take myself out of that competitive space if I can’t turn that off.
I hate the idea of quitting Crossfit, but as Lady reminded me last night, it’s not worth doing if it isn’t fun.