100% Tired and Vacant

I’ve been blessed (so far) with a very mild pregnancy. To the point where the symptoms I do have I question whether or not they’re really related. There are some that are obvious: the burping nausea, the food-not-wanting, the fatigue, the inability to push through a workout, the sore boobs, the big boobs.

But this exhaustion seems to be coupled with a weird, blank state. My emotions and reactions are severely muted, which is actually kind of nice because I haven’t felt any worry or anxiety for a few weeks now. No spark of panic or fear that something is going to happen. No worrying that we’re all going to die in a fiery car crash at any moment. It’s odd, but nice.

It’s not depression. I know depression can sometimes be characterized as an absence of feeling, but that absence chokes you and hangs heavy in your throat. That absence is a gaping chasm that spans the width of your chest, exactly where your hopes and dreams used to be.

This absence is… more like cotton balls. Like I’m swimming through a bath-warm sea and everything is simply dampened and at a distance. I can see my hopes and dreams and emotions shimmering just out of arm’s reach, but I can’t access them. I can’t daydream. I can’t plot. But I also can’t catastrophize. So.

I don’t know if it’s tied into the exhaustion at all. Like, maybe I’m just literally too tired to emote. I’m sleeping 10 hours a night and still having to take a nap (thank god I work where I do, a place which actually has a quiet space for naps). I’m so looking forward to all the naps I’m going to take this weekend.

I assume this is somehow tied into the hormonal changes and completely normal. Just, you know, you usually read/hear about the other extreme, where your emotions are out of control. Perhaps that’s still to come.

In the meantime, I kind of like this weird, zen-like feeling, even if it’s difficult to get anything done.

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10 Comments

Filed under gaybies, pregnancy

10 responses to “100% Tired and Vacant

  1. Your energy will soon return in full force!

  2. shawnsorcade

    I love it. Happens to me every pregnancy. It’s like a natural attivan lol at the same time when stressful situations come up they are difficult to deal eith because I rarely react I’m so relaxed. Does that make sense?

  3. It freaked me out at first, because I felt really slow, sluggish, and stupid. My thoughts were slow and laborious. It passed after a few weeks. Or maybe I just adapted and don’t notice it anymore, haha.

  4. AmyApplesnail

    Sounds familiar!

  5. I remember that exhaustion. I was coming home and napping every day after work. I would take multiple naps a day on the weekends! Then later in pregnancy it all flips around and you’re exhausted but unable to sleep longer than an hour or two at a time. That part sucks!

  6. oc15

    i had not one ounce of anxiety and didn’t suffer any of my weird little “quirks” while pregnant. it was so relaxing and freeing! i didn’t nervously bite my nails or the inside of my cheek. i didn’t repeat words of phrases over and over in my head. i didn’t have any anxiety! not one little twinge or a huge attack. i finally felt normal. since having Maeve i can’t say i haven’t any anxiety at all but i have had only three mild attacks which i actually think were attributed to too much caffeine haha. my nervous ticks are back which can be exhausting some days. if you’re not used to it it can be weird but i say embrace it. every single moment of it 🙂 (and enjoy those naps!).

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