Lady just got turned down for a postdoc and I am so relieved. Weird? Not really. Although it was in an exciting place (Oxford!), the pay was much too low and the research less than exciting. It was nice not to have to turn them down.
But the days between when she found out they wanted to interview her and their answer were filled with confusion. We’ve been in limboland for a while here regarding the answer to the question, Where Next? On the one hand, we want (and need) an answer fairly soon. On the other hand, the one place we really want – France – we’ve had two chances already and they’ve both fallen through.
Strangely enough, we still have three chances left for that opportunity. Although the fellowship committee passed on Lady this last time, they encouraged her to apply again, which is not something said lightly in these circumstances. Plus, the researcher she would work under is applying for a grant of his own, which, if he gets, he would be able to use to bring her on. Plus, today is the deadline for another fellowship that could get us there.
Three more chances. But we won’t know until early to mid-summer. And our luck hasn’t been so good lately.
Moreover, we’re both afraid of looking foolish, continuing to reach for something so uncertain and risky, instead of taking the easy pickings right in front of us. There are other, more sure opportunities in her court, but she would have to decide on those before the summer. Before we know about France.
Complicating things further: player three. This won’t just effect us anymore. We can’t just throw ourselves upon fate’s mercy and see what happens. Whatever we chose, there’s going to a baby in October and we’d better be able to handle that.
That’s why I’m so relieved they passed on us this time. But next time we might have to decide – take the sure, safe way, or hold out for something more risky. And… I’m not as sure as I was.
We’ll just have to wait and see.