Call for Pregnancy and Non-Pregnant Mother Resources

january-73(Dr Lady in her natural habitat)

Never been so excited to call the doctor before. This is pretty silly.

It’s sinking in in bits and pieces. I’m transitioning to the gather-all-the-information-ever phase right now, and I realized that I honestly don’t know much about pregnancy itself. I can teach a class on how to get there and all the hormones involved, but what comes after the BFP? Nope.

I mean, I read a little bit when we first started this whole process so I know the basics – 40 weeks, 3 trimesters, don’t tell anyone until 12 weeks, also lots of barfing – but not much else. I was a little afraid to dig deep like I usually do, because it might/probably not happen.

But now it did and I need info! I don’t even know where to begin. Like TTC, this affects like 90% of women and therefore all the info out there is all over the place. So I come to you, especially my fellow lesbian TTCers – what are your favorite pregnancy resources? Blog/book/website? What to Expect is the supposed Bible of pregnancy, but I’ve heard it’s full of every. single. thing. that could go wrong and I’d rather not with that just yet.

Anything that is queer-friendly and doesn’t sugarcoat would be awesome, and I’d prefer if it doesn’t push an agenda, like vaginal over C-section or breast over bottle or home birth over hospital. I have preferences myself for those, but honestly I don’t know what’s going to happen or where we’re going to be and I don’t have time for shaming.

Also also any resources for the non-pregnant mom? Throughout TTC we’ve made sure Dr Lady had her own duties to perform to be a part of the process, but now I know it’s going to get harder. Also she’s so cute and she’s been reading all your comments and tearing up and that helped me realize just how much we need to make sure she’s still involved.

Anyway, here’s (probably) the last HPT photo to prove this is still real:




Filed under gaybies, happy things, TTC

18 responses to “Call for Pregnancy and Non-Pregnant Mother Resources

  1. Have read a lot about pregnancy and birth, but most of my suggestions would probably be biased toward a certain way of birth and I definitely don’t want anyone to feel any kind of body/birth shaming. I will absolutely share info if you want but don’t want to push anything on you. I’m just so darn excited for you and Dr. Lady πŸ™‚ hoping to follow in your footsteps soon! So I’ll be coveting a lot of advice you receive!

    • A little bias is fine, just when it’s more the 100% this is the only way kind of talk that it gets annoying.
      I hope you do too! I’ll try to share advice as I get it. ❀

      • Thanks! I would appreciate it! Most of the books about pregnancy and birth I have read have been from the author Ina May Gaskins. She is a midwife that is very widely known and lives about an hour and a half from me. She talked a lot about reducing fear associated with pregnancy and birth so that’s who I would recommend. πŸ™‚

  2. oc15

    My husband felt more involved by reading a day by day pregnancy book together each night. He came to all of our appointments and ultrasounds and we talked a lot about how and what I was feeling each day. He said with all that he felt connect to our daughter even though he was ” on the outside” of the process. P.S – I never got such a strong line on any of my tests with Maeve πŸ‘πŸ»

  3. AmyApplesnail

    I’ve only been collecting info for about 2 months so far, but I have a couple of tips. What To Expect When Expecting is extremely heteronormative. My wife read it and often felt completely excluded when it talks about the role of the husband and dad who is genetically linked to the baby. The what to expect app is the same. That being said, the what to expect enterprise contains a LOT of info, so if you are up to sifting through it, you might still find it useful. I also read The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians, which is obviously a lot more inclusive, but it doesn’t contain any info you can’t easily find on the web. Confessions of the Other Mother is potentially a good read for the non-gestational mom, but my wife also found some of the stories upsetting… In terms of apps, I would recommend Ovia.
    Those are the only resources I can think of right now. Oh and of course your future OB or midwife will be your greatest source of info!
    Yay! Congrats!

  4. One book my wife has enjoyed was “She Looks Just Like You.” We’ve also read “Confessions of the Other Mother.” and there were some helpful parts.

    Honestly, I haven’t really like most of the daily/weekly email services. They are all trying to sell stuff and get annoying. Just an update about what is developing is useful. My mom got us “The Pregnant Body” (book) and it’s very informative without the scare tactics and sales pitches. I hate all the STUFF people try to tell you that you’ll need.

  5. I just got an app that talked about the weekly development and what’s going on in the mom’s body. I know this is probably impossible, but the less you read about it the better. Every pregnancy is totally unique. For me, I was pretty tired in the very beginning, bit that was literally the only symptom I had until about 20 weeks when I felt movement regularly, so researching only freaked me out.

    • Oh, and I don’t really know your family situation, but talk to your mom! Listen to what she has to say and take her advice! I think people totally forget to do that.

  6. The Birth Partner – Revised 3rd Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions
    We found this book good, though DW was a bit lazy with the reading prep.

  7. We got the Mayo Clinics Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy. Our pregnancy week flips over on Fridays, so every Thursday night we read about the upcoming week together. S feels much more involved now that she can feel the baby kick and can talk to it each night. We’ve already bought some kids books, so she’ll read to my belly before bed. We found just creating little rituals like that made a difference.

  8. We had a routine. Every Saturday morning (our weeks “advanced” on Saturdays), we would sit down to breakfast together and open up the pregnancy apps on Catch’s phone to see what size fruit the baby was that week. Seems kind of silly, but it was a way for her to be involved and it was nice for us to both receive the information at the same time, if that makes any sense. My favorite app was Ovia because it shows you the baby’s hand size as you go along. I didn’t really read any books. I started a few, but didn’t find them to be particularly necessary so I never got very far into them. I found that our birth class covered pretty much everything I needed to know about the logistics of birth, and I also learned a lot just from reading fellow bloggers’ experiences. I think the most important thing you can do at this stage is to make sure you’re a thousand percent comfortable with your care providers no matter what route you’re thinking about–OB, midwife, etc. Heck, try them all out! I had so many complications in the first trimester that I knew I wanted an OB and good god, I ADORED that woman. I actually miss her. That’s probably weird, but there it is. Being able to trust my providers took a huge burden off of me during my somewhat scary birth experience.

  9. Ladibug21

    The books I liked are really based on my own experience, but I support ALL your choices in your journey.

    I definitely recommend Ina May Gaskin’s book, as well as The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, should you choose to breastfeed.

    The Birth Partner is a great book for non-birth parents/caregivers.

    I love watching this unfold for you!

  10. I am so DAMN excited for you both!!! What a ride you are about to embark on. Only real advice I have (before books) is listen and smile to everyone’s advice and do what feels right for you both. I’d liked the week by week books and the What To Expect the first year. Classes can be helpful we did the first aid and breastfeeding but the breastfeeding is an important point to “try” to figure out and ensure you have the resources available that YOU want. All bets are off until you actually get there. Dont be afraid to dig deep! People will give you all kinds of unsolicited advice. You cant bank sleep and the time will seem to fly. Do things together NOW! Get your hair cut before month 8 and watch all the movies you want (not too much time after). Start using your other hand to do things as you will be amazed at what you might need to do “opposite handed”. Again huge congrats – and dont forget to lean into the fear.

  11. I followed over here from ElJay πŸ˜‰

    You may not be this type of person, but the best advice I ever got was “Don’t read anything.” Another mom told me that a mom who read everything she could get her hands on freaked herself out by not feeling what ‘typical’ pregnancies recorded in books feel. No movement by 16 weeks? FREAK OUT! No morning sickness? FREAK OUT!

    So she told my friend, “Just don’t read anything.”

    You will know when your body needs help (if it needs help) and people did this without books long before our time. I took a prenatal yoga class to be around other moms and commiserate about aches and pains, I listened to my body and just trusted the process. I did see the doctor more than usual because I was ‘high risk’ with twins, but everything went smoothly and I wasn’t comparing myself to the yardstick of the ‘normal’.

    Having said that, your time will be well spend prepping fora newborn! Read The Happiest Baby on the Block!

    As for the non-pregnant mom, Nicole had to give me a lot of leeway for my moods. She also nested and did her own thing to feel like she had some control in the situation. Let her do what she can to support you, even if it feels like it’s off-the-wall. Nicole painted the entire house while I was pregnant. Totally NOT necessary, but it made her feel like she had a mission to accomplish besides making sure I could get out of bed once I got too big to move well πŸ˜‰

  12. Here from the liverjournal.
    This is what my midwife told me: Pregnancy is a great time to hone your mother’s intuition about what is good and right for you and your family.
    You are going to be in charge of another being and what is good and right for them- how are you going to make the decisions? asking your network, facebook, books, family, all of that- but ultimately, it’s up to you.

    I was floored by having a baby. It felt like living underwater. Some days I still have an intense longing for the life I used to have. I wish I had built more mom networks while I was pregnant so I had mealtrains and company in the long hours of the early days, especially once my lover went back to work.

    The rules of what you should/shouldn’t do are wild- don’t do abdominal exercise and then use your abdominal muscles to deliver a baby? the long lists of don’t eat and drink in America while most other countries have better maternal mortality rates?

    you do you, pikachu, and I know you’ll be great.
    really I just came here to say that I am so happy and excited for you.
    I felt very lost and alone on my pregnancy/ new baby journey and would love to shine some light if it can be helpful to you.

  13. Deanna

    Expecting Better is a FANTASTIC book. I’ve read dozens…plus some. And it is the best. Hands down.

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