Okay

I’m okay.

Life is okay.

Things are okay.

I’ve been wanting to post this for a while, but hesitant – last time I proclaimed that I was okay, the very next day depression whacked me back down again. But it’s now four weeks of this, this… okayness. I’ve been able to focus on what I can control and look at the future with the knowledge that no matter what comes, I will conquer it.

I think it’s because of the vitamin D and I think it’s because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We will be done, and soon. I actually cry-smiled yesterday morning when I saw my temp was up and realized, fully realized, that we will be done with this by March.

I can’t pretend I think this cycle – or the next – will work, but that’s okay too. I have more dreams now, robust ones that will take time and work but that will also be possible and not based purely on luck. I am working towards these new dreams every day instead of flailing against that which I cannot change. I have made it a habit to find something about each day to look forward to instead of rushing through and hoping for it to be next week, next month.

Again – and I don’t want to beat this horse until it’s dead, but it’s important to remember – I literally could not do this over a month ago. The change in my mind is amazing and I can’t stop marveling at the way the world looks now, versus then.

Anyway.

It is 2DPO but today I am (trying) not to think about that and instead looking forward to my therapist appointment this afternoon, to having a day off from heavy lifting, to seeing my friend this evening, and to watching the rest of season two of Korra tonight.

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Filed under depression, happy things

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