Everything is so Gay


And it’s kind of amazing.

I went for a hike yesterday morning, so I was away for many hours of the celebration, but a friend texted me right when they released the decision, so at least I wasn’t completely taken by surprise. When I came back to the internet, everything, literally everything, was covered in rainbows.

My wife and I got married in 2012, without any of the legal bits. If you had asked me to guess then when I thought marriage would be opened up to everyone, regardless of sex, I would have said seven years, at the very least five. But a year later, it became legal in Minnesota, the state we wed (and again, legally). Last year, in Arizona, the state we live. And now, everywhere. A round of applause for 2015, guys.

Sometimes, I wonder if we should have waited. But then I remind myself that that’s nonsense. We couldn’t have known then. And as I told Dr Lady and my family, it’s not fair to ask us to plan our lives around the whims of the majority and the courts. Now here we are, married for three years, legal for one in our own state, and now legal everywhere.

This means a lot for us, for everyone. It means we don’t have to narrow our job search to just certain states. It means when we have a kid, we won’t have to jump through more and more legal hoops in case we move. It means we can travel with that kid wherever, and not have to worry about hospitals or other stupid things. It means the United States is finally catching up to the world in at least one, small way.

It also means we’re not done. Not by a long shot. Homeless LGBTQ youth still need protection. Heck, LGBTQ youth in general are still vulnerable in many places. Transphobia is still very alive and very deadly. Plus, racism is still imbedded in our system and culture and LGBTQ of color have their own problems that we need to fix.

This is all beautiful and wonderful and the show of support from every corner has been heartwarming. Over the past fifteen, ten, five years I’ve watched so many friends and family come to accept that being gay is just another way of experiencing life. But in the back of my mind, I can already hear people brushing their hands of our issues, of related issues, and saying we’re done here. I sincerely hope that’s not the case.

For this weekend, anyway, I will choose to believe it’s not and bask in the rainbow-hued love.

Cross-posted to KA_Doore



Filed under civil rights

3 responses to “Everything is so Gay

  1. wtfovaries

    So happy for you!!! It is about time that this is across the board!!!

  2. I married in Iowa in 2009. I thought that marriage equality would happen nation wide, but not for at least a decade. I was very happy when MN legalized marriage equality. I’m kind of shocked that under 3 years later, my marriage is supposed to be legally recognized everywhere in the US. I think this is a huge win for gays in more traditionally conservative areas, as it had looked like if they had to wait for popular opinion to change, based on its current rate of change, it’d be another decade or so.

  3. AmyApplesnail

    I really like the way you framed this post, with the reminder that the fight is not over, sandwiched in between celebratory words. I am an LGBTQ rights activist in my personal life, and LGBTQ rights is what I am building my career on. I won’t stop fighting. But I want to be able to celebrate this big win for America, just for a few days, before I shift my focus back to the negative. I saw a lot of angry posts on social media from activists who didn’t want people to get too carried away with the celebrating because marriage equality does not represent equality equally for everyone in the LGBTQ population (as you mentioned, racialized and trans members of the population in particular). Thank you for celebrating, and letting your readers have a feel-good moment while subtly slipping in the reminder that there is still more work to be done.

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