Basically: it was easy peasy (pumpkin squeasy).
The rest of the day was what sucked, but that has nothing to do with TTC and everything to do with work and I am out of fucks to give right now in that regard (plus, it’s boring and depressing).
I was worried about the HSG because I’d read a mixture of people’s experiences with it, ranging from mildly uncomfortable to full on worse than labor. The only uncomfortable part for me, though, was the speculum. Fucking specula. They’re just never going to be remotely pleasant, are they?
I suspect the major reason it wasn’t bad for me, though, was the valium my doctor prescribed beforehand. It’s a muscle relaxer, so not only was I super chill – and a little loopy – but it’s apparently difficult to get cramps when everything is, well, relaxed.
Although we waited in various rooms for almost an hour, the procedure itself only took 5 minutes. I was a little cowed by the giant x-ray machine at first, which has a big round bit wot comes down over your abdomen and looks like it could crush you with ease. But the nurse reassured me that it would start beeping and displaying “patient collision imminent!” errors if it got too close. Well, tried to reassure me. What was actually stopping the thing from making such bold declarations before it crushed the patient anyway? Okay, maybe years of playing games with large things wot would crush you might have made me a wee bit paranoid…
Anyway. Valium + 3 naproxen sodiums = no cramps. Everyone but me put on lead jackets (very reassuring, btw), then they shot me up with whatever that liquid is, and I didn’t feel a thing. I could just barely see the screen from my angle and it looked like a tiger, with two pale eyes, two ears, and a big old dark uterus shape for a nose. I tried to point this out to the doctor (see: very loopy) and he was like “huh?” and I was like “the ears are right there!” and he was like “…that’s the *insert scientific name here*” But the nurse saw it, so I wasn’t crazy. My abdominal cavity is a tiger and that’s pretty awesome.
It’s also apparently all good up in there. Tubes are clear and the dr kept going on about what a lovely shaped uterus I have – to the point that even the nurses were side-eyeing him a little. But he wasn’t creepy, just… excitable?
Then it was time to hop off the table, put on my
pants skirt, affix a pad, and go home to take a valium-induced nap. Afterwards, we celebrated by going to the Welcome to Nightvale liveshow and staying up waaay too late.