Practicing Optimism

I need some optimism right now. I need to find it and grab it and shove it in a petri dish and culture it until I can turn it into a contagion and release it into the wild.

…that escalated quickly.

But I do feel that nurturing my optimism will only increase the net optimism in the world. And I’ve been working so hard to turn around those thoughts. I almost think it’s working, although a tiny voice still whispers that that’s only because everything is going smoothly now, that soon everything will be shit again.

It won’t be shit. I won’t let it.

Things are getting better. The desert is awash with flowers (and pollen). I’ve started the metformin protocol and picked up the thyroid medication yesterday. The HSG is tomorrow (?!) and the OB called yesterday to schedule the D&C(!!) for a month from now. Which made me realize that in just a month family will be coming to town to celebrate Lady’s graduation. Both sides, which is a rare thing.

My synopsis is coming along slowly, but surely. I’ll be able to query some more soon. I’ll have more beta readers soon. Hopefully I’ll even have some responses from the first wave soon (??).

My diet is frustrating but I’m sticking to it and it’s getting easier. I have bad breath and things that weren’t remotely sweet before now taste sweet, which means I’m either in or borderline ketosis, which is what the doctor wanted. I have zero carb cravings and haven’t even thought about alcohol since over a week ago.

These are all facts and true. I can state them and there is no room for me to negate any of the positive aspects.

These are not facts but are still true:

I have a performance review today and it is terrifying but I will get through it and I will be fine.

I have an interview for the promotion tomorrow and it is even more terrifying but I will get through it and I will be fine.

The HSG is tomorrow and it is equally terrifying but I will get through it and it will give us more answers.

Although it may take some time to see, this will all be worth it.

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7 Comments

Filed under depression, gaybies, goals, progress, simply informative

7 responses to “Practicing Optimism

  1. Good luck with all of the job stuff and the HSG!

  2. I hope the hsg goes well for you, I remember mine wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. Congrats on Lady’s pending graduation. 🙂

  3. 2ladiesmakingbabies

    I hear you on the need for optimism. I’ve found some calm in repeating the mantra “I don’t know” every time I find myself slipping into anxious thoughts. Sometimes it even feels liberating. Because really, I don’t know if they’re true or not, so why believe them? Easier said than done, I know. (People probably think I look crazy randomly shrugging and muttering, “I dunno,” but who cares. :))

  4. It sounds like a lot of positive things are coming about! Let yourself be optimistic!! 🙂

  5. A bit of optimism from Mr Wilde for you: “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”

  6. Fat Girl Dancing

    Did you send me the draft to beta? I never got it?

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