I stopped going to Crossfit almost a year and a half ago because a) we needed to save money for gayby, and b) I wanted to focus on strength training. We were originally only going to be out of it for six months, but that stretched into so many more months due to Newton’s first law of motion. Then I was concerned about starting up something so intensive again while TTC. Then it was just too hard to coordinate around work, when work decided to be suddenly very strict about time.
I’d been flirting with going back for at least the last six months. I proved to myself that I could strength train on my own, but every attempt at metcons fell flat on its face. I need a bunch of other people, a clock on the wall, and a yelling coach for me to actually dig in and do them.
Then I was thinking back over the past few years, about my depression, anxiety, and how they’ve both diminished and grown again, and what else has changed in that time. My diet has largely stayed the same, minus a few things here and there, but it’s still predominantly vegetable-based with lots of extra fats and animal protein. TTC has taken over, and I’m sure the stress from that hasn’t been helpful. The only other major change was first introducing crossfit, then quitting it more recently.
I thought: I still work out. I lift. I bike. I run.
But that’s not quite the same, is it? My workouts lack intensity. Especially consistent intensity. And you can’t discount that badass feeling you get when you RX a WOD (that is to say: do a workout exactly as it’s written, no lighter weights or fewer reps).
And I kind of had this mini revelation. Maybe it had really been too long without all that. Maybe it wasn’t just the change in diet that had been so beneficial for my depression and anxiety. Maybe it was also the intense exercise program and the community that came with it.
Within minutes of that revelation I was googling boxes (i.e. Crossfit gyms) and looking up class times and doing the necessary budget calculations to see if I could go back. And then an hour or so later, I went to a nearby box on my lunch break and did the WOD (Workout of the Day). It was awful. And painful. But I did it (RX!!) and I survived.
And I felt something I hadn’t felt in over a year. Out of breath, yeah. But also pride in my body.
I don’t know if going back to Crossfit now is going to affect my cycle or TTC. Frankly, right now, I don’t care. Whatever I was doing before clearly wasn’t working, so this can’t hurt. And besides, we’re going to break soon, so I’ll even have a few months for my body to get used to the new.
I am tired and depressed and I need to take care of myself. I have already sacrificed so much for the TTC process. It’s time to take a little bit of that back.