I’m thankful I ovulated.
I’m thankful the maca powder seemed to do something and I ovulated early.
I’m thankful for one more unmedicated chance.
I’m thankful that I knew what my body was doing.
I’m thankful for my wife.
I’m thankful for you guys.
I’m thankful for wine and chocolate and heating pads and big old mugs of hot tea.
I’m not at all thankful that last cycle didn’t work. I’m just more convinced something is wrong. I’m still planning on going to an RE, but thanks to the miracle(??) of a 26 day cycle, we might have another chance before our official cut-off mid-March. I’m not going to hang too many hopes on that chance even happening, though – just because my cycles have been shorter these past two (three?) doesn’t mean they will continue to be.
Things that will be different this go-around: not much. I’ve been trying to do multiple insems since our first cycle this round and damn it if I’m not going to keep trying. I guess I just have to insem at the very first sign of anything. Since we have a cut off day, I won’t have to worry about inseming indefinitely, which is a bonus. I always fret about inconveniencing our donor and since he’s started making noises along the lines of why is this taking so long I don’t want to push it any more than necessary.
The only other change is that I will stop with the maca powder as soon as I ovulate. I think using it throughout my cycle not only gave me PMS but made life incredibly awful. I suspect it jacked up my progesterone somehow, which considering my luteal phase is usually a good 13-14 days on its own meant it was waaaay over anything normal. That’s just a guess, though, based on what I’ve read about other’s experiences with progesterone supplementation during the 2WW.
So, to reiterate from the past two cycles, what I’m doing: temping daily, using the ferning microscope daily, using wondfo OPKs once I start seeing ferns, drinking mint tea every morning, drinking bone broth every day, eating 2-3tbsp maca powder daily (by way of truffle form – i.e., powder + cocoa + sunflower butter + coconut oil), moving my body daily, and generally trying to keep my stress levels low.
I feel a lot like we’re just going through the motions at this point, but I suppose that’s better than giving up. I have absolutely no hope that this cycle will work. I don’t know if an RE will give us any answers, but I do believe they can at least rule a handful of things out and give us a different plan.
I’m working on finding a therapist, just haven’t heard back from the handful I’ve contacted so far. They had convenient little ways to message them without calling, but I guess I’ll have to suck it up and call. I hate calling. I hate it. So. Much. But at least now I’m stable enough that I (probably) won’t start crying on the phone.