TTC Round 2, #2 | DPO 7

This is the two weeks that never end…

Meme’wards!

Day 1 – Ten random facts about yourself
Day 2 – Nine things you do every day
Day 3 – Eight things that annoy you
Day 4 – Seven fears/phobias
Day 5 – Six songs that you’re addicted to
Day 6 – Five things you can’t live without
Day 7 – Four memories you won’t forget
Day 8 – Three words you can’t go a day without
Day 9 – Two things you wish you could do
Day 10 – One person you can trust

 

Day 4: Seven Fears/Phobias

1) I am inexplicably nervous around escalators. It used to be much worse – I would avoid escalators all together if at all possible – but over the years I’ve forced myself to get on them often enough that I only panic for a few seconds before I do. Still. I hate them and will take the stairs instead whenever possible.

2) Gaining weight. I’ve tempered this a little over the years by being able to convince myself that I’ve gained muscle in lieu of fat, but I am still very afraid of ballooning up and out of control. I was very large when I was a kid and I’ve been terrified of going back to that size ever since.

3) Losing my wife when I’m not there. This fear lingers from several years of intense anxiety attacks, but I still get nervous when my wife is somewhere else with the car. Thankfully, she’s (usually) pretty good about texting me every few hours about where she is.

4) The possibility that I fucked my body up through years of poor nutrition and little to no exercise. I’ve touched on this before – and likely will again – but I spent 10 years with veeeerrry long and irregular cycles and I’m afraid that is affecting our TTC attempts now. :/

5) Angering / pushing away my friends. I lost a friend once because I didn’t know what I was doing, and I’ve been afraid of doing it again ever since.

6) Not growing / improving as a writer and as a person.

7) Never being published. I have put so much time and energy into my writing and eschewed other potential job prospects / career paths in favor of committing to this one dream. My parents and family see me and my (current) job as mediocre at best, disappointing at worst, and I desperately want to be able to show them what I’ve been really doing all these years. You know, validation.

Wow, that was more depressing than it needed to be. Thankfully tomorrow’s is a little more upbeat.

 

 

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3 Comments

Filed under gaybies, TTC, two week wait

3 responses to “TTC Round 2, #2 | DPO 7

  1. I get worry number two too, it’s completely irrational a lot of the time.

  2. Benni

    While it might not be upbeat, it’s certainly reassuring to those of us who have some of the same fears! I appreciate you sharing this.

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