Wondfos were right again. I’m starting to hate those things.
I actually feel much clearer today – clear-headed, clear-bodied, clear-souled. For once, things happened as I expected. I expected my temp to be down when I checked this morning – it was. I expected to start bleeding shortly after that – I did. Everything was nice and clear and obvious, no second guessing, no prolonged maybe’s.
Basically, what I wish the rest of the 2WW could be.
Alas, that just seems to be the nature of the beast.
I sat down last night after crying over my boss’ poorly timed comment – you’re lucky you don’t have kids – and intended to write out the pros of being out this cycle. I realized I wasn’t being honest if I did that, so I wrote out both the pros and the cons. Grouped together like that, they made me feel a little better.
Cons: No October baby. Less of a chance of any baby this year. Still not knowing if I can even get pregnant. No guarantee that I’ll beat my sis-in-law. No cute bump when we see family in May/June. Won’t be able to use any of the time I put into the catastrophic leave bank at work. No forward momentum.
Pros: No morning sickness while Lady’s family visits in the next few weeks. An extra month to save money. An increased chance that I’ll be able to quit work before birth. An increased chance that we might move before birth. No bump = more comfortable traveling in June. Potential November baby.
The pros aren’t really all that good, but it’s better than nothing. And again – at least I finally ovulated and had a normal cycle. 35 days is about as normal as it gets for me. My temps stayed nice and high and I got to add even more potential symptoms to my ignore list: vivid dreams, triphasic temp, and loads of CM.
Looking back, it looks like I probably ovulated just way too late for that insem to have had a chance. We didn’t really have a choice, what with everything happening in early January, but this cycle we’re going to try things a little differently (assuming I ov before mid-March [sad that I have to caveat that, but there is just absolutely no guarantee]).
First of all, this is the last time we go this alone. I mentioned seeking out an RE a few posts ago and I’m sticking to that. We had already planned to break again mid-March for timing reasons (we will probably be moving December-January of next year, so). Knowing the length of my cycles, we’ll only get one chance before then. So we’ll take that chance, and then if/when it doesn’t work, I’ll have four well-timed insems that I can point to as not working (seven total, but three of those were up in the air) and a crazily erratic cycle I can also point to when we make the appointment. We’ll also have close to three months to do tests and see if we can figure out what’s going on and what approach will work best.
With that in mind, we’re giving this cycle everything we have left. I’m going to use the ferning microscope together with OPK strips and basically try a shotgun-with-birdshot approach. This will be our last chance to do these on the super cheap (hoorah for our local donor!) and therefore we have nothing to lose if we do many. I’m also going to keep eating maca (it’s almost palpable when you mix it with sunbutter and cocoa powder), taking vitamin D3, and drinking TJ’s candy cane green tea, because I was doing all of those (a lot) with my last cycle.
I’m going to try not to fret too much about all the little things I could be trying or the lifestyle changes I could be making because at this point, it’s just not going to happen. I will do what I do – lift and run and walk and bike and eat as healthily as I can and hang out with friends and occasionally vege out on the couch and watch Crash Course with my wife – because if that’s not enough, fuck if I know what is.
Here’s to a fresh start in February.