I (erroneously) thought I could go the rest of the two week wait without a non-update update. The fun thing about the 2WW is that whatever I say now just doesn’t matter. I could say I have all the symptoms in the world, or none of them, and that doesn’t mean a lick without a positive test or the start of the next cycle. We are officially in Limbo.
Yet, we are human and we all know that knowing something is true factually is not the same as knowing something is true psychologically. I can tell myself a hundred (thousand) times that all that matters is getting to DPO 14 (whenever that may be), that symptom spotting and googling things and thinking about it won’t do a lick of good (or harm), but that’s not going to stop my brain.
I was all proud of myself for making it halfway without really thinking about it much, but I should know by now that the second half is always a wee bit harder. Thankfully, this is (by far) the easiest 2WW I’ve had (maybe I should knock on wood…). I’m still just pleased that I ovulated. But I also have this weird unshakeable conviction that it worked, which is bizarre because the timing was way less than perfect and there was so much stress around it and in all actuality, I probably ovulated a day later than could have worked. So the chances are pretty slim.
I’ve already POAS (since it’s DPO 10 [maybe]) and the BFN didn’t even feel like a slap in the face. It was more of a “huh, okay, probably too early.”
…I don’t know if this means that if I do start my cycle next week I’m just going to be that much more devastated, or if it really will be all sparkles and butterflies. My emotional state is… puzzling right now.
Anyway, I’m going to be honest with myself and realize that I am simply going to be unable to not think about it these next few days. But I’ll do whatever I can to keep my hopes from getting too high. This was a reintroductory test run. It’s really, really okay if it doesn’t work.
But I’d like it to.