It’s been a hard few weeks (months?).
I was all set & gung-ho to start on my resolutions and goals and plans, and then I got smacked in the face with first my own severely weakening illness, which was followed on its heels by the funeral. It has been three weeks of trying to keep up with everything while also giving myself slack but not too much slack and never actually getting anything done.
And here we are and it’s almost February and I feel like I’ve just emerged from a cave. I’m still disoriented and exhausted, but I think I need to just: let go. Forgive myself, even if there’s nothing really to forgive. And give myself permission to push back my deadlines by a few weeks.
My book certainly hasn’t been getting any closer to done. My French is in outright recovery mode. And I couldn’t even walk for a whole week without getting winded and faint, let alone lift weights. Emotionally, I’ve been keeping everything in check since New Year’s that I don’t know if I’ve just repressed everything or if I’ve worked through it, but I think I’m overly due for a good, long cry.
I had a self-imposed deadline of Feb 1st to finish my book, but I can see now that unless I dig in hard, that probably won’t happen. And I think I need the time and the permission to take that time. So I’m going to move all my plans back by two weeks – a whole month just brings on too much anxiety. Instead of Feb 1st, I’ll aim to be done by Feb 14th. And instead of getting the whole thing to betas by March 1st, I’m going to promise them March 14th.
So here’s to making February my new January, to taking a breath, and easing back into things slowly but confidently. I hope the year goes by much smoother from here on out. 2015 was just getting all the shitty things out of the way first, right?