No temp rise. No $10. Not mine.
To be honest, I’m really not doing well. I’ve been crying a lot at work this last week and it was so bad Friday that I went home early. I feel like I have a heavy weight on my chest at all times.
I thought I had come to terms with everything not working. Fuck that – I know I did. But I still can’t shake this lingering depression. I don’t have the energy to do anything. I don’t want to do anything. It’s a struggle to care for myself like I usually do. I feel like I’m leaning way too much on Lady.
I know depression affects fertility. I know this stress and sadness is probably what’s causing me not to ovulate. I’ve accepted that. We’re going to call it quits if I don’t ovulate by Wednesday and when I think about that, all I feel is peace.
Yet this weight refuses to go away.
I have cut out all chocolate as of yesterday. I am enforcing daily runs from here on out. I have a bag of brazil nuts (see: selenium) and grabbed a tin of oysters (see: zinc). I am forcing myself to keep to my daily routine, although most nights still turn into me going to bed super early. I am so tired.
All I can do is hang on and let go. At least I’m lucky to know I’ve been through worst bouts and that eventually it will lift.