Maybe Baby #4 | DPO 14 & Nope

Negative test this morning. Temp went down, too, a day earlier than usual but whatever.

Right now the last thing I want to do is go through all this – the emotions, the POASing, the waiting, the worrying, the hoping – again, but I know in a few days I’ll feel differently. Better, hopefully. I’d take some time off, but we only have two cycles left before we’d be taking a prolonged break anyway, so I’ll continue. If nothing else, I’m stubborn as fuck.

I’ll cry and get the disappointment out of my system. I had just been so convinced about this cycle. We did everything right. We timed everything right. Four is my favorite number. But isn’t that how it goes?

I’m trying to think about all the positive things – I can finally take some aleve for this damn headache! oh hey, a cup of coffee! no peeing on sticks for a full two weeks!! – but it’s difficult. I don’t want sympathy or pity, I’m just trying to be as honest about this process as possible. And the truth is, no matter what path you take during TTC, it’s almost always a difficult one. Waiting, temping, hoping, praying, crying, despairing – we put ourselves through an emotional rollercoaster every month with no guarantee of results then or ever. What other process in our lives is remotely like that?



Filed under BFN, gaybies, TTC, two week wait

4 responses to “Maybe Baby #4 | DPO 14 & Nope

  1. I’m so, so sorry. It’s absolutely rough. Enjoy the hell out of that cup of coffee.

  2. Medication is great! All I can say as someone who’s one cycle 2 of a 3/4 cycle break is you can start to get a little anxious to try again. At least that’s feelings.

  3. Getting myself inspired to start all over again is difficult for me too. Ugh. I just try to remember that it doesn’t mean anything is wrong, it just wasn’t the right egg and sperm in my ute! Round 5 could be yours!

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