Negative test this morning. Temp went down, too, a day earlier than usual but whatever.
Right now the last thing I want to do is go through all this – the emotions, the POASing, the waiting, the worrying, the hoping – again, but I know in a few days I’ll feel differently. Better, hopefully. I’d take some time off, but we only have two cycles left before we’d be taking a prolonged break anyway, so I’ll continue. If nothing else, I’m stubborn as fuck.
I’ll cry and get the disappointment out of my system. I had just been so convinced about this cycle. We did everything right. We timed everything right. Four is my favorite number. But isn’t that how it goes?
I’m trying to think about all the positive things – I can finally take some aleve for this damn headache! oh hey, a cup of coffee! no peeing on sticks for a full two weeks!! – but it’s difficult. I don’t want sympathy or pity, I’m just trying to be as honest about this process as possible. And the truth is, no matter what path you take during TTC, it’s almost always a difficult one. Waiting, temping, hoping, praying, crying, despairing – we put ourselves through an emotional rollercoaster every month with no guarantee of results then or ever. What other process in our lives is remotely like that?