Maybe Baby #4 | DPO 12 & I Want to Believe

I tested again this morning. No dice. I’ll test one more time on Saturday, and after that only if I don’t start my next cycle by Tuesday.

Last cycle I was so bereft by this point and after 10DPO had lost all hope. This cycle – I don’t know how I’m still clinging on, but I am. Despite the negatives, despite the lack of symptoms, I’m still half convinced it worked. I don’t know if this is intuition or just a strong will. To be honest, I really really want an April baby, and I really really want to never pee in a cup again (at least at work). The mere thought of having to start this process all over again in another two weeks is making me weep tears of frustration.

I know how very weak and selfish that sounds. It’s not even that hard! We haven’t even tried that many times! We have tons of time! We’re still young!

Then there are the fears that pray on my mind at night (and during the day [and any idle time my mind has, really])… but those are for another post.

Yet I haven’t give up. I’m still playing symptom bingo – and losing terribly. Any tiny little thing is giving me hope, even though I know taken all together they don’t amount to much. But the temp rise this morning has to mean something!! Right!! Even though it was after a bad night of sleep… And what about the sadness and the strong urge to cry? Because that can’t have anything to do with PMS… Oh and I have this weird metallic taste/sensation in my mouth and nose! But that has nothing to do with the a/c being out at work…




Filed under BFN, gaybies, TTC, two week wait

2 responses to “Maybe Baby #4 | DPO 12 & I Want to Believe

  1. I’m so sorry. If you need to take a break you should. Pregnancy rarely happens on our schedule.

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