Although I told our cats on New Year’s morning that it was the year of the cat, it is in fact the year of the baby for my wife and me. And it better be, otherwise we’ll have to put off our baby plans for another year or two. This is in part because Lady will be graduating and we know we’ll be moving in a little less than two years, so the last thing I want is to be very pregnant or very recently pregnant during that process. Not fun.
I don’t want everything to become super baby-centric, I realized while making my goals this year that they’re all at least related to that end goal.
This year, I used &Kathleen’s resolutions method to focus my goals into intentions and how I want to feel. Hers a counterintuitive way of making goals, but it makes sense: instead of focusing on what you want to be doing, you focus on what you want to be feeling, and what you do flows naturally from there.
This method asks you to ruminate over your recent year and your future and then pick three to five words that best reflect what you want to feel.
For 2014, I want to be: strong – creative – fertile
In place of last year’s superhero goals, for strong I will focus on showing up and lifting. I would love to increase strength, but consistency and keeping what strength I have is more important. I’ve read time and time again anecdotal evidence from ladies who squat and are strong that their labor & birth go so much smoother than expected. I want to be strong for myself, but also for baby – strong going into the pregnancy and staying strong throughout.
I also want to be strong emotionally. I want to show up with my full self and be seen. I want to dare courageously – and fail. I don’t want to numb my emotions, but be present. Even if that means bawling my eyes out in a stairwell at work. I can both have that experience and keep going. I can be both afraid – fucking terrified – and yet do.
Most of all, if this year is a total bust baby-wise, I want to be strong enough to know we tried our best and move on.
Creative and fertile feel like almost the same thing, with subtle differences. One is my mind, the other my health; I want to nourish both. Creative for me means writing every day, keeping on a semi-regular schedule with this blog, going for runs and walks and hikes to foster inspiration, watching the sunrise, petting cats, writing with friends, and querying.
Fertile has a lot of overlap – there’s the self love with taking time to hike and run and be outside. The nourishment of body by taking these thirty days to find out what might be fucking with it. Keeping my mind open to new ideas and new ways to accomplish my goals. Being both as healthy and as self-compassionate as I can be.
I’m not one for meditating, but I will keep this words in my mind as I go through the year – or at least the first part of it. They should serve as a reminder and a wake-up call if I’m not doing things that foster these emotions.
What are your words for this year?