Most everything is going swimmingly, but there’s one particular thing I can’t seem to shake that’s been bugging me off and on and off and on and on and on and on. Sometimes I don’t even know what it is that’s bugging me, bringing me down and making me snippy, but watching the Crossfit Games yesterday, the commentators mentioned that one girl – who was doing phenomenal – had only started Crossfit a year ago and it clicked.
I’m jealous. I’m also frustrated. I keep hearing stories about girls and guys who start up crossfit or running and within a handful of months they’re up to maxing out their fitness, throwing down pull-ups like it’s out of style, or running bloody marathons. Not that I would ever run a marathon – that’s a firm decision I’ve come to in the last year – but it’s that whole immediate transformation that’s bugging me.
It leads me to wondering: what am I doing wrong? I’ve been at Crossfit for a solid year now. I’ve certainly come a long way – I can actually run 3 miles, I can deadlift 215, I can squat 170, I can do a manly push-up (although it’s still not completely pretty), more and more of the workouts I can complete rx’ed (as prescribed – meaning, at the weights and number of reps that everyone else is doing). I should be proud of myself; last year I was struggling to jump onto a 10″ box, and now I can jump 28″. Last year I couldn’t run 400m without getting winded, and now it’s just a warm-up. Etc, etc.
But then I look at my times on the board and I’m slower than and lighter than almost every other person and class. Girls who’ve been there for less time are shooting past, barely stopping in our class to wave hello. People are going on to compete at serious weights who’ve been there the same time I have.
And I put my head down and I try to train harder. More often. Eat better. Sleep better. Less alcohol. More active rest. Sunday running and weightlifting. Monday crossfit. Tuesday weightlifting. Wednesday crossfit. Thursday rest. Friday crossfit. Saturday crossfit football…
I know know know comparison is the thief of happiness. But it’s so hard not to do it. It’s so hard not to wonder what it is I’m doing so terribly wrong instead of reaffirming what I’m doing right and how far I’ve come. Lady is concerned I’m pushing myself too hard and I’m trying to decide if this obsession to be better, faster, stronger is healthy or not. Because I don’t feel like I’m pushing myself hard enough – but am I really in the right place to judge that?